I got inspired by this scene in Doctor Who. The giant sphere with the lights on the glass, reminded me of braille, which in turn made me think of The Ghost of You letter. Not being able to see you any more because you’re becoming a ghost.
I wondered about whether to do a spherical or shaped object, with the letter translated to braille. I then thought about creating some sort of a portal.
This reminded me of one of the photos I took, a few days after we met for Christmas. It was of the table we sat at for lunch. The photo was taken from where I was seated, with you sitting opposite me.
Sadly the Christmas decorations that were there, were taken down by the time I returned. I originally took this photo for the happy memories section of the VR piece I had in mind, but I now feel it would be ideal for this.
This is the only photo I have where we’ve shared a space together, and enjoyed our time together. I feel it would be very appropriate. In some ways, with you not being in the photo, you’ve already become a ghost. You’re no longer there.
I noticed the circle of trust sign behind. I feel very uneasy with that sign because of what it implies. There was trust between us, so if I do use this photo, then I will need to remove the “you” outside the circle.
Thinking about portals reminded me of this photo I’d taken and adjusted in 2018.
Perhaps I can do a portal with the words from the letter appearing as braille around it. They’d appear then disappear, with the portal fading then disappearing at the end.
I thought I could use this section of the letter:
“I thought of you straight away…Such a dreamy and ethereal sight. The trees in the distance look like ghosts. You’re becoming a ghost. I don’t want you to become a ghost.”
I’d convert the photo to black and white.
Should the portal and surrounding area disappear to white or black? When I think of ghosts it’s usually an ethereal white, but when we can’t see, it’s black and darkness.
Black symbolises ending and death, whereas white is nothingness and a blank slate. White is also used for mourning in my culture and others. This is something I’d need to experiment with. Initial thought is to make a video and take it from there.
I’ve had some time to think and I feel black would be the wrong colour for this. The sphere in the Doctor Who scene is black, and it doesn’t reflect how I feel about you and what’s happening at the moment. It wouldn’t express the sentiment of the words in this letter either.
My memories with you are the opposite to black, they’re extremely positive and joyous. Even in the darkest moments, especially during my triggers, you were always there for me and you helped get me through it. There was always light, normality and humour afterwards. The darkness was short lived.
It’s just the last few days that I find very distressing. I do feel I’m mourning you, but there’s no darkness, just heartbreak and a deep loss, and feeling lost.
Shock is still there, as well as the heartbreak of losing the very special friendship and connection we shared. The heartbreak of losing you. I love everything about you, including the other part of you, which I learnt at the very end. It’s made me love you even more.
Writing to you and the creative thoughts that are coming, is my desperate need and means of expressing myself, but it might be helping me to have some sort of control as well. My emotions are out of my control at the moment, but I think this process might be giving it some sort of order and structure. I’ve never really thought about it in this way before.
Going back to the piece, the other thought I have is if it was in an exhibition space. I could have the portal projected onto fabric, such as latex, so that the words in braille can raise and lower themselves. This would need programming. Having it in this way could mean people can touch the text, as you do with braille. Again, this is something I can experiment with.