Boundaries…
21st November 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
How are you? I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, and I’m keeping everything crossed you’re not too shattered. It’s 17:44. I hope it’s not long until you can fully settle in for a very chilled, relaxing and restful evening. You must be relieved {} xxx
I’ve started watching The Beast in Me, with Claire Danes and Matthew Rhys on Netflix. It’s a great psychological thriller. I thought you might enjoy it as well xx
I just saw the Green membership’s now at 170,000. Absolutely brilliant!! Fireworks have just started. Perfectly timed.
My silence’s don’t last long do they? Something unexpected happened this morning. I set a clear and distinct boundary for the very first time. It was needed. They’ve crossed the line before, I tried to ignore it, distance myself from it, and hoped it would be okay. It never is, but the hope’s always there.
This wasn’t a misunderstanding. They were clear with their thoughts. They meant well and I know it was said because they care about me and my health, but when someone says they feel no pity for you because you’re not doing as they suggest, then that’s final straw. I felt the anger in my stomach and could no longer keep silent.
I’m actually feeling the anger again as I write this. No one, no matter who it is, has the right to tell you what to do with your body. I should change that sentence to, no one has the right to tell me what to do with my body. I know what’s best for it and what it needs. This illness has forced me to know it, and I need to respect it.
You’ll know who this person is. They still want me to try holistic approaches, and now a spiritual one as well, in order to “cure” me. This is like telling a cancer patient to do the same.
It’s okay. You can’t see my anger in my response, but I made it clear that they needed to respect my choices. I’m extremely happy that these things have worked for them, but they’re a healthy person. I know they’d be harmful for me.
Throughout my whole life, I’ve never wanted anyone’s pity. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. The only thing I need is some understanding and compassion. That’s all.
They can’t seem to respect people’s choices if it goes against what they believe in. I told them that I knew they meant well, but made it clear that I wasn’t going to engage with them regarding my health, and to please respect that boundary. I have such little energy, and I don’t want to use it in this way. I need peace.
In their mind I’m choosing to be ill because I’m not listening to them. I’m so thankful they’re an outlier. No one else is like that. They understand, and are extremely caring and compassionate. I’m incredibly lucky, thankful and grateful. Thank you so, so much {} xxx
It’s 18:18. This has been a huge step for me, and I feel a very positive one. I think my fighting spirit’s returned. This is what I’m feeling in my stomach.
The other reason why I needed to tell you about this, is because I had another realisation thanks to Liron. She said that I’ve been trying to manage other people’s emotions, but this means that my needs are completely ignored and disregarded. She’s absolutely right.
It started at home with my dad and the aunt who bullied me. I needed to be hypervigilant, looking for signs of the slightest changes in them. I did my best not to upset them in any way. I kept quiet, did what I was told, and tried not draw any attention to myself.
This is how I managed their emotions. I was anticipating their needs and demands, and then overfilled them so that I couldn’t get told off. I needed to be perfect. That’s where the perfectionism comes from. Problem with this is, I could never be good enough for them. I only received criticism, not much praise. Praise was extremely rare in that house, but I did get it in abundance from my mum.
It was the only way I could try and keep myself safe. My dad saying that it was my fault, and that I made him angry, violent and abusive towards me, also added to it. He couldn’t take any responsibility for his feelings or actions. He needed someone to blame, and that person was me.
It all makes sense now. This is how I’ve been all my life. I’ve always felt responsible for other people, and always thought I was to blame if they weren’t in a good mood or upset. This is what I learnt at home.
This is why I always put others first, and tried to make them feel better about themselves. I was managing their emotions, but it was at a huge cost to myself. There were many times when it became harmful for me, but I didn’t know there was another way. I thought my primary purpose was to be there for others. This is why I didn’t paint for almost ten years. My sense of self completely eroded as well.
I put all my energy into them, and had nothing left for myself. I wasn’t in the picture. Anything that was for me, I did it on my own, and when I had the time and energy for it, which was rare. This isn’t a healthy way of being.
My life is completely different now. The changes started when I met Liron and started therapy, but the biggest was when I did the HND Fine Art course. It was the first time I was giving myself some of my time to do what I really wanted. Meeting you and everyone else added to my positive experiences and changes. It’s been life changing. I can’t thank you enough my lovely. You have been instrumental in my changes by just being you {} xxx
Again, this behaviour started at home by trying to protect myself from danger. I couldn’t talk about the bad things that happened to me. I couldn’t talk to my dad about what he had done and how it me feel, so I had to bury it. I had to bury and try to ignore everything.
There was no real, honest and open communication at home. All I got was silences, frowns, minefields and being ignored from my dad after one of his rages, or when something wasn’t right. I was ignored on the street by my grandfather after he and the family had a huge argument with my dad. I was guilty by just being my dad’s child. I was met with silence. I wasn’t there. I didn’t exist. I was nothing.
No wonder there was so much tension in the house. I was walking on egg shells all the time. One false move could be catastrophic. I was managing their emotions, and I was guilty of association.
With learning that my needs and feelings weren’t important, I became so disconnected from them as well. I didn’t know what I needed or wanted. I just wanted to be creative, do well, and be happy with that. That was my main focus outside of other people’s needs. I never knew I could say no until much later in my life. People upset me, but I didn’t know I had the power to stop it. I felt helpless.
Again, this is why open and honest communication is so vital, and it can be done in a non-confrontational way. It helps us to be seen and heard. Our thoughts, feelings and needs are important. Talking also helps avoid the precarious mindfields and silences, and it doesn’t give resentment space to grow.
This is why speaking out today was so important. I don’t want to be spoken to in that way, and I don’t want to take anyone’s crap anymore. It’s not my responsibility. I’m not causing any harm to anyone. I’m just trying to get through each day the best way I can.
The tendency to manage people’s emotions is naturally still there. I can feel it, but I’m aware of it now and I know the reason why it’s there. It’s a trauma response. It’s going to take time, but hopefully it will become more silent by me challenging it, and by seeing things more objectively, as the adult not the child. I am slowly getting there. Little by little.
It’s 19:50. I really hope you’re settling in for the night now. Take it nice and gently my precious angel. Get lovely and warm, and enjoy the most beautiful and relaxing evening, with fabulous music and delicious nourishment {} xxx
I love you so much and I’m hugging you with all my heart. Please take great care of yourself my lovely, with lots of TLC for me {} xxxx