Bringing Out the Inner Child…
10th December 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
How are you my lovely? How has your day been? I really hope you’re keeping well and you’ve had a wonderful day. What a difference a day makes. The weather was glorious with the sun shining again.
It’s 21:21. I hope you’re enjoying a beautifully chilled and restful evening with something special. If you’re playing your gorgeous heart out, have tons of fun for me as well {} xx
My brain’s working a bit better today. Such a relief. It’s bad enough with my body not working, but it’s frightening when my brain completely goes. It’s still going to take time, but it’s given me the reassurance I needed to know that I will be okay while Liron is away. She reached Frankfurt safely.
I’ve been writing this throughout the day. Someone posted that a person becomes a child where they are safe, which I thought was lovely, but it also really hit me. I naturally thought of you.
I have been like a child with you, as well as an adult. I was playful and I rediscovered parts of me that were buried under all the seriousness. They were buried under the responsibility I felt after my mum died. They were buried further after I left home, because I knew I was completely on my own.
My child happily and fully came out with you. I remember she was completely present when we spoke and hugged good bye, in the car that October. Our hugs always melted all the barriers and insecurities away. I always felt completely safe with you and you felt like home, even now, despite my fears {} xxx I’ve stopped questioning why.
With fully connecting with my inner child, it inevitably brought up all the insecurities I felt as a child. It’s only now that I can recognise it was my core wounds that were being triggered with you. They were being triggered because of the safety I felt with you. Sadly they were all triggered at the same time since last November.
It’s quite a paradox. It’s because of the emotional safety I feel with you, that all my insecurities poured out. It’s because it was safe for all those things to come up. I now understand why they call it a mirror. You were like a mirror and you reflected all parts of me, including the parts I tried to run away from. The parts that have caused unbearable pain and distress. The parts that made me feel worthless, broken and unlovable.
It was never you. You weren’t the cause of those feelings, you were just the trigger. Sadly during the triggers, it felt like you were the source of that pain, but you’re not, it’s from my trauma. It’s impossible to differentiate between the two in those triggered states. It’s only possible when we come out of it. I could see it clearly then. I can see everything clearly now.
They’re absolutely right when they say, “we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone”. I’ve always known how special and precious you and your friendship are to me, but it’s only now that I feel it fully. You do mean the world to me, and I miss you with all my heart and soul. I’m in a better place than I was a year ago, but I still feel the emptiness and I miss you just as much. The other thing that hasn’t changed is that you’re still always with me {} xxx
With your contact in February, I honestly don’t know if there might be a chance, or if I’ve lost your precious friendship for good. I really hope I haven’t, but I do understand if you no longer want to {} xxx
I wish I knew how you are. I wish I could speak with you and ask you directly. Again, I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, and you’re keeping extremely well and happy. I hope so {} xxx
I hope you loved the first two episodes of The War Between the Land and the Sea. I imagine you have. It’s brilliant isn’t it?!! The truth is much needed.
I don’t want to say anything in case you haven’t seen it yet, but there was a moment in the second episode that reminded me of you. You know how I see you with all the special and precious qualities you have. I’d like to add your humanity to that list. Compassion was already there. These are the reasons why I love you. I love your beautiful soul {} xxx
Someone posted this quote from John Lennon today. He’s absolutely right:
“It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love” – John Lennon.
On that note I’m going to say Nnight {} xx I’ve already made teeth and face happy, and I’m tucked in.
When it’s time for you to close your eyes, get as snug as a bug in a rug, and sleep well and restfully with sweet dreams mon chéri {} xxx
I love you and I’m hugging you just like the very last time. Rest well my lovely {} xxxx
Here’s Riwaya by Tikoubaouine, featuring El Dey, for you to go to sleep to. It’s so beautiful, just like you {} xx