Couldn’t Escape It…
18th December 2024
It finally hit me tonight. The feelings of abandonment. I do understand everything, I honestly do, but I don’t think it’s possible to escape these feelings completely. This is something I will work on in therapy. I know it’ll be okay afterwards, and these feelings won’t stay with me.
I now fully understand why in therapy, you have a period of time to say goodbye to the therapist. It’s to avoid an abrupt end and feeling abandoned again.
I know the fear of abandonment, especially by someone we love, would naturally be within both of us. It makes me understand why you might’ve needed to end our friendship even more. I know it was you who ended it, but I really do hope you are okay my lovely, and it hasn’t brought up any of those feelings {} xxx
I have these feelings of abandonment with you in the present, but as you know, in the past I’ve felt it much later. I also remember not always knowing where it was coming from, because so much time had passed and it was in fragments.
The ending was very unexpected and abrupt. I can’t tell you how I wish I could’ve been able to say goodbye to you. I honestly know you couldn’t have done it any other way my lovely, but still, I wish I could’ve said goodbye to you directly. I just hope my letter reached you safely.
This brilliant version popped up tonight. I remember you sending me Livin’ Thing when you were learning to play it. It was not long after we’d met for lunch. I think it was my first birthday. I wish I could’ve heard your version. Yes, it is a terrible thing to lose. Always will be…
