Eurovision…
18th May 2025 – 12.18am
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
I hope you’ve thoroughly enjoyed Eurovision, and you’ve had the most fabulous and fun evening {} xxx
I could join you this time. The volume needed to be low, but I watched half of the performances, then the final hour. The final incoming scores were nerve wracking. I was over the moon Austria won, JJ was my favourite. He has a fantastic voice, and Wasted Love and the staging were brilliant. I felt joy when he won and sang again. It was really good to feel it. I was also relieved for political reasons. That was very close.
I remember watching my ultimate favourite Eurovision song and the intro before it. J’ai cherché (I searched) by Amir for France. The lyrics are beautiful and very uplifting. I didn’t realise it was nine years ago, the year we met. I know I’ve sent it to you a few years ago, but I thought the entry was more recent.
You are the one that’s helped make me stronger. You’ve helped me feel all the colours of the spectrum fully, including the ones I feared the most, pain and grief. Thank you so much {} xxx
It’s extremely difficult at the moment. Today’s been awful. I’m seeing the bigger picture with my family, I’ll explain soon. The realisation of my dad not loving me is finally hitting home. He wasn’t capable of loving me or anyone.
As much as I miss you, with my fears resurfacing along with everything else, I wouldn’t be able to come out of the trigger with you. We would trigger each other. I do need to untangle you from my past. I am, and by working on the past I’ll be able to untangle you fully. I really hope so. It’s going to be tough for a while.
I really hope you’re okay my lovely. I wish I knew. I still do worry about you {} xx
I don’t know if you’re reading these. I do understand if you’re fully letting go and moving on. I really hope you’ll be okay with me contacting you when I have put myself back together again.
It’s 1.10am, time to say nnight. Get as snug as a bug in a rug, and sleep well and blissfully my lovely, with the sweetest of dreams for both of us. I love you and I’m hugging you extremely tightly {} xxxx
My sleep is awful at the moment. Things from the past keep resurfacing. My brain isn’t letting me rest.
I almost forgot, I keep imagining you playing Seabird. I think you’d play it beautifully {} xxx