Hello My Friend, Hello…
16th November 2025
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
How are you? I really hope you’re okay my lovely, and you’re feeling extremely happy after yesterday. I imagine you with a big smile. I hope you enjoyed the most restful night’s sleep with sweet dreams, and you’re having a wonderfully lazy morning {} xxx
It’s 11:11. I really hope you can take everything at a relaxed pace today. I imagine you’ll be creating lots of wondrous magic in your kitchen, but I hope it’s with lots of rest breaks. Sun is supposed to come out this afternoon. If you go for a beautiful walk, thoroughly enjoy it for me too my precious sweetheart {} xx
I guess there was no escaping today, but it does feel different than it did on this date last year. I really do hope it’s the same for you as well my lovely {} xxx I imagine it is. Time does help to heal.
Up until a few months ago, it was our last few days in November which dominated my thoughts of you. I’m so, so sorry, I truly am {} I couldn’t help it or control it. Knowing we were both in a triggered state didn’t help shift it either.
Triggers have a way of taking things out of context and amplifying everything. But as that pain started to subside, all the other beautiful and precious thoughts and memories with you started to flood in. Writing these letters to you are really helping with this as well. This is how it really was, and not those final few days.
I also had a glimpse of this earlier when I deleted about a thousand notes on here (Keep Notes). It’s much easier for me to write messages and letters here. They’re supposed to be temporary, but I forget to delete after I’ve sent them.
There were hundreds I’d sent to you over the last few years. I didn’t read them but I could see all the emojis that accompanied them. Yes, our precious friendship was extremely positive, caring, loving and joyful. That hasn’t changed for me. I don’t think it ever will, regardless of what happens {} xxx
I have to confess, the final few days do come up with full force when I’m in a badly triggered state, but they don’t stay for very long now. Liron’s an angel for reminding me where my fears are really coming from. They really do stem from my past, which I’m working on.
There is a big difference with how I am now, compared to this time last year. This gives me hope that I will be okay by the time I contact you directly, and it will be safe for both of us. The year has gone so quickly, frighteningly so, but this also means I’m getting closer to saying hello to you. I’ll be able to ask you the same question you asked me in February {} xxx
Once again, please forgive me for being so badly triggered in February. It’s the worst trigger I’ve ever had, but it’s because it also opened up all my core wounds at the same time. The pain of everything was too raw, and it felt unbearable at the time. It’s the only thing I was feeling. Unknowingly, it started unravelling on this day last year, when you needed to say goodbye.
I can’t tell you how much wanted to continue our friendship in February, I honestly did, but I didn’t know how to safely with the triggers. I’d been hoping to hear from you since November, and I still do. I was feeling so vulnerable and terrified at the time, and all the other feelings, along with the grief and heartbreak, completely took over. I was a complete mess and in pieces.
As I’ve said in earlier letters, I’ve never experienced anything like this before. There was no way out of it, other than to go through what I’m going through at the moment. I have to go through the fire.
I am keeping every single thing crossed you are okay my lovely, and you are keeping really well. I’m extremely sorry for the pain or hurt I may have caused unintentionally. I honestly never meant to. I really wish I could hug you in person {}
I know you also have so much to deal with. I really do hope everything is okay, and you do have some peace of mind. Please take the greatest care of yourself, with lots of love, care and kindness for me {} xxx
This morning on Twitter, someone asked to say a happy story in three words. For me, “Seeing you again” came to mind, quickly followed by Neil Diamond singing Hello Again. I was in tears when I heard the song.
That’s the thing, the pain since November has been replaced by the pain of missing you, not knowing how you are, and not being able to speak with you. I can’t wait to say hello to you again. Here’s Paul Weller’s brilliant version of Headstart For Happiness on Later Live just for you {} xxx
It’s 14:41 and the sun is finally coming out to say hello to us. Wonderful!! I really hope you are enjoying a beautiful day my lovely. I’m going to leave you with a chuckle. Have you seen the clip of the robot cooking? It was on Have I Got News For You. I couldn’t stop laughing and I knew you’d find it hilarious as well. I hope it gives you a good belly laugh. I had so many with you. Thank you so, so much {} xxx
I really hope you don’t finish too late my beautiful angel. Once everything is done, enjoy the most gorgeous, relaxing and restful evening, with your heavenly meal and lots of TLC {} xxx
I love you and I’m always with you, and so are my comforting bear hugs. Take it gently my lovely {} xxxx I’ve just posted this letter. It’s 16:16.
It’s 20:55. When it’s time to close your beautiful gentle eyes, sleep well and sleep restfully. Dream sweet dreams for me. Dream sweet dreams for you {} xxx
Here’s the stripped down and tender version of Good Night (Take 22). Sleep tight my precious starshine. Jasper and I will be hugging you tightly through the phone, just like we did whilst sleeping last night {} xxxx It’s 21:21.