Human Seasons…
3 July 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
I really hope you’re okay my lovely and you’re having a really good day. I’m keeping every single thing crossed your workload is starting to ease now, and you’re breathing a huge sigh of relief {} xxx
I’m really struggling and I can’t pinpoint it. Emotionally, I’m trying to contain everything but I feel a mess. My autonomic nervous system is super calm today, but that might be adding to it. I don’t know. I think there needs to be a balance. I have crashed and I feel the PEM fluey symptoms, but I welcome the much lower heart rate.
It’s the first time I’ve heard the term human season, thanks to Sarah Slean’s My Invitation. I discovered The Human Seasons by John Keats and feel he’s absolutely right. Our thoughts, emotions and experiences are like the four seasons, whether they’re in a year, six months, or like Crowded House’s one day. Things can change so quickly, then it’s spring and summer again.
For me it feels like it’s all in one week at the moment. I do feel lost, but there’s so much coming up. There’s so much uncertainty, which I’m never good at. I do worry in case I can’t cope, especially my past. My therapist told me to remind myself of my resilience. I just don’t feel it right now.
I wish I could reach out to you. I really miss you.
I’m finally crying. It is like a pressure cooker. It’s everything, including you. I really do hope you’re okay my lovely. I really do {} xxx
I can hear the sweet voice of a toddler. It’s adorable. I tried to hang on to my innocence for as long I could. I also fully understand why I completely resonated with The Catcher in the Rye, still do.
I hope you’re leaving the building, or will do very soon. It’s 17.17. Get home quickly and safely. Just one more day until you’re free to enjoy a very exciting weekend with the rugby {} xxx
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my precious sweetheart. Enjoy the most gorgeous, sunny and relaxing evening with all the things you love. I love you and I wish I could hug you {} xxxx