I Hug You…
7th December 2024
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine,
It’s 10.42am and the storm is absolutely horrendous. I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, you’re keeping well, and everything is okay. I hope you don’t need to venture out, and you’re safe, warm and cosy at home. I hope it’ll be a very relaxing and restful weekend for you. Take it gently {} xxx
I hugged you through the phone during the night. The first time in three weeks. I didn’t want to let you go. I never wanted you to let me go. Our hug that October, along with the book, comes to mind…
My brain is busy processing, which brings realisations, tears and lots more heartache. I’m too exhausted and I’m crashing today. I need to rest, but it’s so difficult to switch my brain off at the moment. My phone just buzzed and it’s a WhatsApp message. My tummy somersaulted. There’s a part of me that’s still hoping it might be you.
The three weeks are up and I know I’ll never hear from you again. I knew three weeks ago, which is why I wrote my final letter to you. I guess hope never dies. Heart shatters once more and my soul is flooded with tears. It really is over. The storm we have is indicative of how I’m feeling right now.
5.45pm
Snow Patrol’s What If This Is All The Love You’ll Ever Get? came to mind earlier. I listened to it and then found Gary’s explanation of the song. It’s more about friendship and being there for each other. He also stresses the importance of talking, not always straight away, but eventually when we’re ready to. That’s what I always wanted, to be there for you, in the same way you’ve always been there for me {} xxxx
8.47pm
The pain and grief feels insurmountable at the moment. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. You really did help break all my walls and defences.
I really, really do hope you are okay my lovely. I wish I knew how you are. I do worry about you too, and my heart really is breaking for you as well. I wish I could hug you one last time {} xxxx