I’m Still Doing It…
13th November 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
It’s 23.03. I hope you’re nicely tucked in and snuggled up {} xx
I’m still doing it. There’s a huge milestone coming up, and I’ve been thinking I’ll be okay. I didn’t think I’d be badly affected by it. Why did I think this milestone would be any different from all the others over the last year? Who am I trying to kid?! Myself.
Habits of a lifetime really do take time to break. It’s still difficult for me to know when and why I’m triggered, espeially when it creeps up gradually. My brain has a tendency to take over and analyse things, but in doing so I stop myself from feeling. But it doesn’t work as well anymore.
I am triggered at the moment. Of course I would be. It was on this day last year, the 13th, when I was triggered, which unfortunately triggered you. Three days later our precious friendship came to an unexpected and heartbreaking end. How I wish I could time travel back with the Doctor…
The Mourning Moon is gently pulling me into its sphere. I still try to run away from my pain, but I know I need to feel it and sit with it. It explains why I’m struggling so badly today. It’s taken me all day, along with Liron’s help, to make me realise. I’m still grieving. Knowing that I will be contacting you sadly doesn’t take that grief away. It does take time.
I’m pretty sure by going through what I need to, I’ll be in a much better state when I do say hello to you. I’m certain this would help make it safer for both of us {} xxx
I really do hope you’re feeling okay my lovely. I really hope so {} I do worry about you.
Sleep well and restfully my beautiful starshine, with the sweetest of dreams for both of us {} xxx
It’s 00:00. I’m hugging you through , phone. Lots and lots of love, hugs and kisses from both of us {} xxxx