It’s Shifting a Bit…
18th February 2025
It’s the first day I haven’t fully and uncontrollably cried since November. I cried a couple of times when I thought of you, but the pain was nothing like it has been. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve crashed and feel completely drained and shattered, but it feels like a bit of a respite.
I feel something is shifting. I hope so. I can’t go on like this indefinitely. I still miss you with all my heart though. Okay I was wrong my tears are starting and my heart’s aching again. This isn’t sustainable, especially with my health. My system has been in overdrive since…
I saw Cruella, and it’s the first time since my last letter to you, that I wanted to send you songs from a film. When I could start watching films again, I always sent you one or two songs from it. I always thought of you when I heard them and thought you might enjoy them as well. I’d also tell you about the film. You sweetly suggested I watched a movie many times. Thank you so much {} xx
Cruella made up for the absence over the last few months and gave in abundance. It’s a brilliant soundtrack. I’ve done a playlist just for you my precious starshine {} xxx
1. The Animals – Inside-Looking Out
2. The Rolling Stones – She’s a Rainbow
3. Joe Tex – I Gotcha
4. The Zombies – Time of the Season
5. Nina Simone – Feeling Good
6. The Ohio Players – Fire
7. Ike & Tina Turner – Whole Lotta Love
8. Deep Purple – Hush
9. The Electric Light Orchestra – Livin’ Thing
10. Rose Royce – Car Wash
11. David Bowie – Boys Keep Swinging
12. Blondie – One Way or Another
13. The Clash – Should I Stay or Should I Go
14. Georgia Gibbs – I Love Paris
15. Ken Dodd – Love Is Like A Violin
16. Doris Day – Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps
17. Judy Garland – Smile
18. The J. Geils Band – Gettin’ Out
19. Ike & Tina Turner – Come Together
20. The Rolling Stones – Sympathy for the Devil
The film was an unexpected surprise. It’s about how Cruella came to be. Her name was Estelle, she had a traumatic childhood which resulted in her dissociating and having a dual personality. She’s also a brilliant fashion designer. It’s a very stylish film, and the costumes are stunning and ultracool. It’s a visual feast with the perfect soundtrack.
21st February 2025
I still miss you with all my heart, but the pain and tears are easing. I still can’t feel any joy, but I’ll happily settle with it not being as overwhelming and painful. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to feel the joy I did with you…
I really do hope you’re okay my lovely. I know we’ll be working through this in our own way, but I really do hope you’re okay. I really do. I’m sending you lots of comforting bear hugs {} xxxx