Abrupt Endings…
12th May 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
It’s 17:14. You must be on your way home with sunshine. Brilliant!! xx I hope the traffic’s not too bad. I hope you’re keeping really well my lovely, and you’re having a good start to the week. I hope everything’s going smoothly and it’s not too stressful.
You haven’t got too long now until you’re as free as a bird. The Beatles Free as a Bird comes to mind {} xxx
I had my appointment with the lovely lady from the ME/CFS clinic yesterday. She told me it was my last session with her, because she was leaving. I was surprised with how upset I got. It made me cry. I’ve loved our appointments, and I could speak freely with her. I will miss her.
I will be assigned to someone else, but she told me that I knew more than they do. I know they can’t help me with this illness, but it was the contact that really helped, and having someone who understands this brutal illness. Despite only having online appointments every two months, it was just wonderful seeing her. She really is lovely.
I miss you. I miss everyone. This illness is so cruel. It’s forced isolation.
I’m not good with abrupt endings, I’ve had so many, but I’m feeling which is a good thing. I completely understand why having a period to say good bye to a therapist is critical. It’s to prevent feeling abandoned all over again, which is what abrupt endings can do, especially when they’ve been very positive experiences.
I really do hope you’re reading these, I really do. It feels like such a mess. Everything feels like such a mess. I’m crying as I write this. It’s so painful. I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, I really hope so {} I know you will be, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about you {} xxx
I’m struggling extremely badly today. My crash symptoms are severe, immune system is in overdrive, but I can’t rest properly. My instinct is still to try and escape from painful feelings.
I watched a sweet and quite emotional movie called Remarkably Bright Creatures. A highly intelligent octopus helps bring two broken souls together through friendship. It did make me cry. I’m crying a lot since yesterday.
Here’s Warm Canto by Mal Waldron from the movie just for you my beautiful sweetheart. I hope you enjoy chilling to it {} xxx
I need to stop writing now. I feel very ill, achy and my glands are swollen. I’m getting the chills, and they’re multiplying.
It’s 18:36. I hope it doesn’t take long to do everything, then curl up and enjoy the most beautiful, sunny, delicious and relaxing evening for me too. Rest well my lovely {} xxx
I just remembered, it’s Eurovision semi-final tonight. It doesn’t feel right with their inclusion. Thoroughly enjoy all the fun and music for me too xx Terry Wogan was brilliant wasn’t he?!! But then, the artists and their performances weren’t so polished at that time.
I love you so much, and I’m giving you the biggest comforting bear hug in the universe {} Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my precious starshine. Hug, hug. Kiss, kiss {} xxxx