Back Together Again…
25th April 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
How are you my lovely? I hope you’re keeping really well, you had a restful night’s sleep, and you’re enjoying the most relaxing start to your weekend. Sun is excited to be with you {} xxx It’s so beautiful isn’t it?!!
I’m keeping everything crossed, if you had a late night, you didn’t get home too late. I hope you’re not too exhausted my lovely, and you can take everything at a gentle and restful pace this weekend xx
It’s 12:22. I saw the match will be starting any minute now. I’m keeping everything crossed there’ll be cheer and celebrations afterwards xx
I wanted to write and tell you sooner, Grizzly Bear are back together again!! Isn’t that brilliant?!! I found out when their song Two Weeks popped up last week. They re-released their three albums on vinyl, along with a tour last year.
I thought you’d be excited to hear the news as well xx It’ll be brilliant to hear their new music in the not too distant future.
I think these are beautiful excerpts from Grizzly Bear's announcement on YouTube:
"…the four members who first drifted into the group two decades ago as loose friends and even total strangers…drifted out into other things…lived other lives beyond the bounds of being this band."
"…these four musicians and friends will drift back into Grizzly Bear, to...see where else those old connections may yet lead."
"...their first shows in six years are not a reunion; they are a simultaneous point of arrival and departure, their next destination still unknown."
"Hearing these songs live in 2025 will feel less like shaking hands with the past, then, than seeing their fingerprints in the present, as if for the first time." Grizzly Bear - 27th May 2025.
I know from experience, when there is a connection, that connection doesn’t disappear, no matter how much time passes. Those years just melt away. This gives me hope that if there is a chance, everything will be okay. I hope like Grizzly Bear, it’ll be a “simultaneous point of arrival and departure”. I really hope so {} xxx
It’s been an incredibly difficult few days. My emotional state has been awful. I feel as if I’m losing my sanity. Things that I didn’t even know were there, are coming up with full force, along with the pain, guilt and remorse. Liron’s an angel. She reassured me that I did nothing wrong. The responsibility was my perpetrator’s, but I still feel the burden.
I’m realising how harmful it’s been, not giving myself any time to think and process the things that have happened in my life. I thought I could just forget and move on with my life, but it doesn’t work that way does it?!! We need time to reflect, feel and process, otherwise it gets buried and resurfaces in unhealthy and harmful ways, towards ourselves and others. It chains us and keeps us prisoners.
I think it’s the repressed emotions and the thoughts attached, that imprisons us. I think it’s especially harder to face when there’s fear, guilt and shame attached to it. My natural instinct is to try and push it away. To not think about it. To run away from it.
This is why facing myself is also extremely difficult and painful at the moment. But I guess facing myself honestly, means I can start seeing things and my role in it objectively. It does feel brutal, but necessary to break those chains, and to let go of the fear, shame and guilt attached to it.
I haven’t processed the changes Liron’s been going through either. I didn’t realise I’d put myself aside. I needed to be there for Liron. Despite loving Liron more as she is now, because she is her true and beautiful self, the grief of what was is naturally there, along with the confusion it brings about myself. I haven’t had time to feel or think about it, but it’s coming up as well.
It’s wonderful I can speak openly and honestly, without fear, with Liron. She completely understands. She’s told me many times that I haven’t processed her changes.
When I banged my head on the cabinet, my therapist told me I was expressing anger. Then it clicked. This is how we turn anger towards ourselves. This is how we internalise the anger by taking it out on ourselves. I’ve always done this.
I need to know that it is safe to express anger, and that no one would be harmed. I also need to know that it doesn’t make me a bad person.
You really were my anchor and my constant, when everything around me was being turned upside down. I’ve had no control over any the changes over the last six years, including my health and everything ending, but you provided stability and safety. I thank you with all my heart my precious angel. You really helped me get through it {} xxx
It’s 14:29. I imagine you’re enjoying something extra special for lunch. Thoroughly enjoy every delicious mouthful for me too my lovely {} xx
I’ve just had a satay chicken, black rice and mango salad. It says it has fourteen plants in it. They’ll be growing in my tum!! I sadly can’t have the satay sauce, but I added some olive oil and sea salt instead, and it tasted delicious.
I just saw the score. I’m so sorry. I hope they’re okay and they enjoyed the match regardless xx
It was wonderful getting my hair cut. Oxygen really helped along with an extra L-arginine. My hairdresser is on special leave, so I had Liron’s. She’s brilliant and lovely as well. I left hair in her hands. It’s much shorter, and I’ll be able to make it messier and spiky as well.
I’ve never spotted the other hair salon with your namesake before. I don’t know how I missed it!! I’ve passed them in the taxi so many times!!
I got another reminder of you yesterday. I was searching for wine as a gift for a dear friend. I came across your special port, but it’s their tawny port instead. I recognised the label design from the photo you’d sent. It’s the very first time I’ve seen any of their ports for sale. I imagine you loved every sweet velvety sip of yours. Fantastic!! xx
Yours sounds heavenly, with the “intense cherry and blackcurrant aromas”. I’d love to try it as well. It’s “the very distinctive ‘baked’ richness reminiscent of butterscotch”, that did it for me with the tawny.
The lovely owner of Moke called this morning, for additional information for the shipping. I told her how two of their vintage wines sounded absolutely amazing. She confirmed they were. The first is Château Barde Haut’s Saint Emilion Grand Cru, 2005. The second is Château Phelan Segur’s Grand Vin Saint-Estèphe, 2005.
Suffice to say, I ended up buying them along with the tawny after we spoke. I justified it by saying it was for my birthday next month. I don’t go out anywhere, no meals or anything, so this will be like going out. I can also delay getting my next hair cut since it’s shorter.
I don’t justify buying things for others. I think buying it for someone else is justification in itself.
I also told the owner about Willie’s Madagascan chocolate, and how it tastes like wine with the fruitiness and the tobacco finish. I felt the full joy and excitement as we spoke.
My love of wine and foods is still there. Nothing’s lost. It was so wonderful speaking with her and sharing that excitement together. I felt like me again. It was much needed after the last few days.
It’s 15:44 and time to shut up. I really do need to stop and rest. I’m running on adrenaline and heading for a hard crash, which will be inevitable after our inspection on Thursday. This means I need to be quiet until the week’s over.
Please take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my precious starshine {} xxx I really hope you’re enjoying being with sunshine in your magical garden. Thoroughly enjoy your fabulous and fun music party tonight, along with your superb meal xx
I love you so much, and I’m hugging you extremely tightly. My love, hugs and kisses are always with you, along with the magical healing and protective comfort blanket. Take it gently my lovely and rest well {} xxxx
It’s 16:16. I’ll leave you with Ringo Starr’s wonderful Choose Love. He sounds great doesn’t it?!! I hope you’ve thoroughly enjoyed his new album my lovely xx I hope you enjoy El delfin y el varano by Radio Days as well.
Thoroughly enjoy some silky smooth medicine for me too. Enjoy my share as well, along with all the fun. Have a wonderful week my lovely. I’ll write soon. I wish I could speak with you instead {} xxxx