Hand of the Universe…
9th August 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
I really hope you’re okay and you’re all enjoying the most gorgeous, sunny and relaxing day together. I just imagined you chilling by the glistening water. Thoroughly enjoy it for me too my lovely. I wish I could speak with you {} xxx
I do feel lost, and I’m struggling badly. My therapist and an incorrect assessment from a doctor threw me. In some ways I feel like I’m being forced to stand up for myself. I will be able to with my therapist in under two weeks, and then with the doctor.
I do feel the universe is giving me a helping hand, even though it feels like a pretty harsh one at the moment. However, an unexpected surprise from my oldest and dearest friend eight days ago, made me feel that the universe knows what it’s doing. It hasn’t stopped working its magic.
Out of the blue, my dear friend sent me photos from our stay at the school cottage, in Abergavenny. She couldn’t have timed it more perfectly, especially with my therapist’s assumption about my hair. We must’ve been about fourteen, and we were there for a week. We all had a lot of fun.
I’ve just realised that I’m wearing the black coat I got with my dad, from Chelsey Girl. He took me shopping and gave me free rein for the first time. This means these photos were taken after he’d raped me. I was so small. I was just a child.
I didn’t have a chance with my dad, did I? No wonder he looked like a monster to me. He was much taller and bigger. There’s no way I could’ve stopped him.
The school photo of me with short hair, has been on my bed since I took it out to confirm my hair style. There have been moments where I’ve given the photo a hug. I finally gave my child a proper heartfelt hug. I also feel the pain when I do it. I think I’m finally starting to connect with that child.
Funnily, the day before my dear friend sent these photos, a clip of Anne Hathaway popped up on my feed. She talks about how her doctor told her to take a favourite photo of herself as a child, put it face down, and then say what she thinks about herself.
Her doctor then asked her to turn the photo over, and asked her to say the same things to the child. She couldn’t. She said that she’d never speak to any child like that.
Anne’s words really hit me. It’s such a powerful therapeutic exercise. It’s wonderful that she can finally speak kindly to herself. I need to start doing the same. It was perfectly timed.
The following day, a clip of Kathy Bates popped up. She talked about her mum speaking negatively about her Oscar win for Misery. For decades, Kathy thought her mum reacted in this way because she didn’t thank her in her acceptance speech. The interviewer showed her the clip of her acceptance speech. She did thank her mum.
Kathy is truly shocked and emotional to discover the truth. She was so thankful to be corrected. Sometimes we try to find a reason to blame ourselves when someone treats us badly, especially if it’s our parents or caregivers. I did with my dad and family. I guess it’s the only way we can make sense of and explain their cruelty.
When Kathy said that her mum should’ve had her life, it’s clear that her mum said what she did out of jealousy. Perhaps this is why my dad never praised me when I did well, but then he was never praised by his parents, only criticised. He continued that pattern with criticising others, and I continued that pattern with criticising myself. It’s time to start breaking it. It’ll take time. Little by little.
It’s 20:32. I imagine you’ve had something amazing for dinner. Wonderful!! Your sweet tums must be over the moon xx
I hope you’re now happily chilling underneath the moon and the dazzling stars. Thoroughly enjoy their magnificence for me too my beautiful sweetheart {} xxx It’s gone very cloudy here.
In an episode of Ugly Betty, Betty’s choosing an exotic fruit to be named as the “Sizzling Hot Fruit”. The scene reminded me of a fruit I ate at home. I didn’t know its name. It’s small, round, hard, has brown skin, and has a distinctive sweet taste. I put this description in my search, and the fruit popped up!! I recognised its image instantly. It’s called sapodilla, but better known as chico. I still can’t remember what we called it.
Have you ever eaten a chico? If you have, did you enjoy it? I remember its smell and texture as well. I loved it, and so did my dad.
Betty chooses a fictitious fruit called tico berries as her “Sizzling Hot Fruit”. Tico is not too far from chico, so I’d say chico is a sizzling hot fruit as well.
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourselves my lovely, and enjoy the rest of your gorgeous evening. I imagine red’s happily flowing. Thoroughly enjoy every heavenly sip for me as well xx Then sleep well, sleep restfully and blissfully, with sweet and sizzling dreams for both of us {} xxx
I love you and I’m hugging you with all my might. Nnight. Rest well my lovely {} xxxx It’s 21:21 xx I’m going to make face and teeth happy now.