Hockney…
12th June 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
It’s 11:33. I just saw the awful news that David Hockney has died. It’s so sad. I imagine you already know. He was one of the first artists whose work I loved when I was young, along with the surrealists. I love his distinctive style and colours. I’d love to know your thoughts on his work xx
How are you? I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, and despite it being intense at work, it’s been a really good week. I imagine you must be exhausted though. I’m so sorry. You’re almost free {} xxx
You must’ve loved your quiet moment with soothing coffee, and they’ve worked their special magic. Wonderful!! xx
I really don’t want to go. I don’t feel like I did a few years ago, when I wanted my life to end because of the brutality of this illness. I was in despair. Acceptance helped tremendously with this.
This is a practical issue. I’ve heard of many Long COVID patients taking their lives, because they couldn’t look after themselves. They wanted to live, but they couldn’t survive. They didn’t have a choice. It would be the same for me as well if the worst happens. I just wish there was more time… I know this sounds really bad, but I’m mentally preparing myself for it.
We still have three years to see what happens in this country. Let’s hope. That’s all we can do, as well as pushing back against the dangerous narratives that are now freely expressed.
I felt so much anger, frustration and helplessness during my therapy session yesterday. I feel it towards what’s happening in this country and the world. I feel it towards this illness and my body not working. I feel it with the constant harmful and punishing thoughts I have towards myself. I feel it because I don’t want to die so soon. I need a bit more time to see if I can improve, but that’s wishful thinking. I feel it because I think I’m going to finally run into that brick wall. The one I seem to keep eluding. I may still. Fingers crossed.
I feel the pain in my heart and I’m starting to cry. I really don’t want to go. Three years is nothing. I’ve tried my very best, I still am and I will continue to do so… I’ll still continue to see the joy, beauty and magic, and hopefully capture some of it on camera.
My priority is getting through each day, managing this illness, freeing myself from the shackles of my trauma as much as I can, and finally say hello to you {} xxx I can do these things. I have time.
I really do hope there’s a huge push back against all the hate soon. We desperately need it. Fingers crossed. It’s terrifying to get a glimpse of how this country could be if the worst happens.
It’s 19:13. I hope it’s not long until you can fully settle in for the evening my lovely. You must be so happy and relieved the week’s over. I am for you too. Get nice and comfy, and rest, rest and rest. I imagine you need lots of it {} xxx
It’s very windy today. I’m keeping everything crossed your hay fever isn’t too bad. The magical healing love, hugs and kisses will snuggle up with you as well {} xx
I’ve completely crashed, but I’m so relieved the wedding present is sorted. I haven’t been able to do any more though. Fingers crossed tomorrow. Shower needed to wait as well.
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my lovely {} Enjoy the most beautiful, relaxing and restful evening, with your heavenly meal and all the fabulous music. Then sleep well and peacefully, with sweet dreams for me {} xxx
I love you, and I’m sending you humongous comforting bear hugs and soothing kisses {} xxxx
I almost forgot. I heard two great live versions of Franz Ferdinand’s Take Me Out and Come on Home, at Glastonbury 2004, this morning. I hope you enjoy them too my beautiful sweetheart. Rest well and gently {} xxx
It’s 20:42. I also forgot to tell you how comforting it is falling asleep with you singing. You comfort me again, when I wake up and fall asleep in the middle of the night. I can’t thank you enough for this, especially at the moment with it feels so bleak. Thank you so, so much my beautiful and precious angel. You’re still my light and anchor {} xxxx