People…
31st March 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
It’s 17:17. The Lotus Eaters’ First Picture of You just popped up on my feed. It’s really brightened my day. I thought of you {} xx
How are you my lovely? I hope you’re keeping really well, and you’re enjoying the most beautiful start to your holiday. I hope your precious heart’s bursting with love, joy and excitement {} xxx
It’s wonderful when the sun greets us. I hope you’re thoroughly enjoying its presence. I’m also keeping everything crossed your hay fever is being kept at bay. I saw that the pollen levels are high. I’m so sorry. I really hope you’re okay my lovely. If you have any symptoms, I hope it’s slight and they alleviate quickly {} xx
I hope you’re taking everything at a gentle pace. I imagine you must be having a lot of fun creating culinary delights, and creating all the other magic as well. Are you trying new recipes? I bet everything tastes superb xx
I had Cooks’ lemon chicken, spinach and chickpeas with rice, the other day. It tasted very much like the one we used to make. It was comforting and very delicious, and no upset tum. It’ll be a regular. I do miss cooking.
I started writing to you earlier today…
The hour going back makes a huge difference doesn’t it?!! It was wonderful seeing the imminent pink moon, shining brightly in the light blue sky last night. I imagine you loved seeing them as well {} xxx
It’s fantastic news about Celine Dion’s health isn’t it?!! Her comeback announcement did make me feel very emotional. I do understand how she would be feeling. I’d feel the same. I’m so happy for her. I know how much this would mean to her. It must be the best birthday present for her.
I know you’ll be very happy for her as well {} xx
Sadly, I don’t think this will happen with me. I am being realistic. The best I can hope for is to get to the garden. It’s been six years now. I hoped I’d be able to walk a little by ten years. That looks out of reach at the moment…
The trials for Long COVID aren’t going too well. This is a very complex multi system illness. Treatments would need to tailored to the individual. This is impossible to do safely without proper testing. There’s still nothing for us. It could take a decade or more.
I’m not feeling as disappointed now. I have accepted that this might be it. The dysautonomia is such a bastard. I didn’t have it initially. It started after the huge crash from my two weeks at Margaret Street. It all got horrendously worse after that.
There’s nothing I can do, and there’s nothing I could’ve done differently. I just didn’t know the gravity of the illness, and what it could ultimately lead to.
A number of hours have passed. I’ve been in such a badly triggered state. I finally started crying when Liron came to see me during her lunch break.
It was the thought of spending the rest of my life in bed. I hear of many ME/CFS sufferers, who’ve been in my state for decades. This is very likely for me as well. I really feel the pain and grief today. I do bury a lot of things without realising it.
It is extremely difficult and frustrating to be like this. I just get through each day the best I can. I do miss you {} xxx
The other question that popped into my head was, “Am I an evil person for needing to write to the dentist?” Liron answered with an emphatic “no”, and asked how I’d be if it was anyone else.
It’s so easy seeing wrong being done to others. It’s so much harder with myself. I think the memories that have stuck with me from my childhood, are the most pivotal moments in my life.
The evening when my aunt pinched my arm and sang Tell Tell Twit, for telling my mum that she’d upset me, changed me for ever. From that moment on, I learnt that it was wrong for me to tell on someone when they harmed me.
She silenced me, not just with her, but with everyone else as well. She made me feel like I was the evil person, and this is how I’ve continued to feel. This is why it’s such an ordeal for me to do the right thing for myself. Guilt and feeling like a bad person marrs everything. It’s exhausting and now very conflicting.
This is what bullies always bank on isn’t it? Our complete silence, compliance and obedience.
I really do feel as if I’ve just sleepwalked through everything, and I’m just waking up.
What is it with people? After telling Liron how I felt, she told me that a colleague’s trying to sabotage her project. Everyone loves what she wants to implement. It’ll save them so much time and frustration. The system would stop breaking and it would run more efficiently.
Liron knows about the person’s insecurities and hang-ups, and the reason why they’re doing it, but it doesn’t make it right. We’re both shocked and angry. She’s been nothing but supportive of them. It’s the person you’d least expect, and they’re working on a completely separate project, so it has nothing to do with them.
Liron was thankfully forewarned by a colleague today. It should be okay in the end, because this is something that’ll benefit the whole company.
It’s great it’s lighter and brighter outside, isn’t it?!! I hope you’re enjoying a very relaxing moment with something comforting {} xx It’s 18:18
I saw that the two lost episodes of Dr Who will be on iPlayer on Friday. That’s fantastic isn’t it?!! Let’s enjoy them together {} xxx I imagine you’ll thoroughly enjoy catching up with a lot of things. Wonderful!!
Take the greatest care of yourself my lovely, and have the most gorgeous, sunny, fun and restful evening. Enjoy making your sweet tum, and precious heart, jump for joy for me too {} xxx
I’m sending you much love, with the biggest and tightest of magical healing bear hugs and kisses. Play and rest well my beautiful sweetheart {} xxxx
Whenever I see moon, I say, “Hello my beautiful sweetheart”. Fingers crossed the clouds clear for us tonight, so that we can say hello {} xxx