Ratatouille…
6th April 2026
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
It’s 13:03. It’s such a glorious day. I really hope you’re out and loving every single magic moment. If you are, I hope you see some of your special friends. I imagine you’ll take some stunning photos. As always, I wish could see them xx Everything comes to life with sunshine doesn’t it?!!
How are you? I hope you’re keeping really well my lovely. Pollen levels are very high today, so I’m keeping crossed you are. I’m sending you an infinite amount of magical healing and protective love, hugs and kisses, and they won’t leave your side {} xxx
I also hope you’re sleeping soundly and restfully. I slept for almost nine hours last night. It’s the best sleep I’ve had in such a long time, but I feel so ill with the PEM symptoms. My glands are swollen, my nose is bunged up, and I’m struggling to hold myself up when I go to the bathroom. I need lots of good sleep.
It’s so wonderful and uplifting to see the astronauts interviews isn’t it?!! Integrity is very apt. Such a stark contrast to the madness down here. I really hope they do remove Trump from office, same with Netanyahu.
It’s only a few hours until they’ll start crossing their path with moon. The precise calculations of the route are just mind-blowing aren’t they?!! I’ll always be in awe of it. It is amazing what we’re capable of.
It’s 14:14. I started writing to you yesterday in bits. I crashed hard and I couldn’t do anything.
Have you seen Ratatouille? I saw it today (5th April). It’s such a lovely film. I think you’d enjoy it, especially because of the cooking. I can’t believe it was released nineteen years ago.
With Ratatouille using his nose to sense which ingredients are needed, I need to ask, do you use taste and smell to determine the ingredients you use?
I only used to use taste, but then again, I mainly used recipes and tweaked them when needed. There wasn’t much creativity to it, but I do know whether something tastes good or not. My taste buds are very sensitive.
Again, one of the positives from my childhood, were the huge variety of foods and spices I savoured. They did set my taste palate up for life. My grandfather was a fantastic cook. I think you would’ve enjoyed his cooking.
You’re absolutely brilliant and exceptional with your cooking. You are an amazing master chef. It’s a huge skill creating culinary magic, and your love for it is the special ingredient xx
That reminds me of another film called Simply Irresistible. Unconsciously, the chef uses their emotions to choose their ingredients. As a consequence, whoever eats the food experiences the chef’s emotions.
I know how we feel when we cook, can determine how the food turns out. The love does shine through, but feeling the emotions is something else. It would be quite an experience though. I’d love to try it. Would you?
Would you like to go to the Twilight Café with Susan Fassbender? It’s the first time I’ve heard it, and I think it’s fantastic. I can’t help but think of the Smiths’ Barbarism Starts at Home, especially the intro. What do you think?
Ratatouille’s heightened sense of smell reminded me of mine. We’re still far away from making a useable face cleanser, but surprisingly , sniffing the mixture is helping to determine if it’s okay to test or not.
I’m pretty certain that it’s the emulsifiers that were giving me the funny taste in my mouth, and caused my immune system to go into overdrive. I think they used too much for me to handle. Sniffing is giving me the same funny taste in my mouth. I’ve never experienced this before. I think I’d make a good sniffer dog!!
It’s 15:15. It’s a good thing I don’t have analytics on my website. If I did, it would give me an indication if you might be reading these letters (I don’t expect anyone to visit my website).
I think ignorance is bliss in this case. I know myself too well, and I’d check frequently for any views. To see if you might’ve read it. This would be torture for me. I really do hope you’re reading these, but I know there’s a very good chance you’re not.
My protective/drill sergeant voice is vehemently telling me that you’re not reading them. You’ve fully moved on, I didn’t mean anything to you. You’re relieved not to have me in your life, and you’ve forgotten me. It’s telling me that you’re angry with me and that you hate me. It’s telling me, you finally have some peace without me.
I told Liron these thoughts, and she reminded me that I’m badly triggered at the moment. The drill sergeant is trying to get some certainty and control back. This isn’t about you, it’s about my past.
She’s right, these are my worst fears about you, but they also prove that I am unlovable, just as my dad said. My protective/drill sergeant’s words are my dad’s and family’s words…
Again, rightly or falsely, your brief contact gave me so much hope, despite not seeing it at the time. As much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, I’m desperately clinging onto it. That hope is also helping me go through this. You’re still helping me {} xxx
I listened to U2’s Easter Lily Ep. I think it’s fantastic, moving and very beautiful. What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts xx Scars really hit me as well, especially the lines, “All the tyrants that you’ve defeated. The only one that’s left is you.” Yes, I am my own tyrant. I have been ever since I left home…
I would never treat anyone the way I treat myself. I am improving, but my protective voice/drill sergeant is still a tyrant. It means well. It used those words in the past to keep me going, and to keep me safe, but it’s destructive now.
I see how my protective voice/drill sergeant has been with you, and it’s heartbreaking to see it with such clarity. I’m so, so sorry my lovely, I truly and deeply am. Please forgive me {} xxx I honestly didn’t know the extent of its unrelenting grip, along with the trauma and triggers.
It’s 15:55. Love every beautiful moment seeing the far side of the moon with Integrity. I can’t wait to join you my lovely {} xxx I wish I could share the wonder and excitement directly with you xx
I might need to be a bit quiet {} I have therapy in three days, and I still have a lot of recovery to do.
I also hope to write at least one message. I’m beating myself up about the messages as well, despite being extremely ill and struggling with my brain. I don’t acknowledge that fact very well, and still expect myself to be as I was before Long COVID. The symptoms are a constant reminder though, and the crashes pull me back to earth and beyond.
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my beautiful sweetheart xx Continue enjoying your gorgeous and relaxing holiday for me too, with your precious heart filled with love, joy, excitement and lots of magic {} xxx
The next two days are supposed to feel like summer. Sun and moon timed it perfectly just for you!! Fantastic!! I hope you do something very special. Thoroughly enjoy every beautiful moment for me as well {} xxx
I love you, and I’m hugging you tightly you with sunshine kisses {} xxxx
I almost forgot, have you had your special ratatouille recently? I hope so. I had the delicious frozen one last month. I imagine you have something that’s out of this world for tonight. Thoroughly it, along with some soothing medicine for me too {} xxx It’s 16:16.