Solar Eclipse Smile…
14th August 2026
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine,
It’s 10:10 xx I hope despite the heat, you did get some restful sleep. I hope so {} Despite being extremely busy, I hope you’re now feeling more rested. I hope you’re okay my lovely, and you’re thoroughly enjoying your much needed holiday. I hope it’s helped give you some peace of mind as well {} xxx
I know you’ll be loving the glorious sunshine, along with all the other gems this month has showered us with. I imagine you were in awe of the Perseid meteor shower as well. Brilliant!!
I did take a quick peek on Wednesday night, but I couldn’t see any shooting stars. I did see Capella though, shimmering brightly through the binoculars. They looked like Christmas lights, twinkling red, gold and green.
I still want to see Capella through the telescope and hopefully capture their dazzling beauty. I haven’t been well enough to say hello to telescope this year. Fingers crossed next year.
I sorted out my photos of the solar eclipse yesterday. The photos and videos of the solar eclipse and meteor shower have been spectacular, haven’t they?!! Mine are nothing like those, but they are special to me.
I made this short video of the solar eclipse. These were the shots I could manage between 18:35 to 19:27. I keep forgetting that I was seeing it upside down. It’s wonderful it ended in a smile.
I couldn’t help but think of Nat King Cole’s Mona Lisa. It’s such a sad song, isn’t it? I can relate, especially with the dreams dying. This illness has taken it all away.
Despite the projected images being tiny, looking into the pinhole box makes it a very intimate experience. It’s for our eyes only. It also captures the isolation in the vast space.
I still feel sick when I’m upright at the moment. It should hopefully ease with rest. I look completely shattered as well.
I’m going to rewatch Ted, with Mark Whalberg. Have you seen it? It is crude but extremely funny. I laughed so much. I think you’d enjoy it as well. I think I’ll also revisit The Producers.
Despite not winning, Count Binface did brilliantly in Clacton, didn’t he?!! He’s so funny. It’s fantastic he’s loved all around the world as well, including Japan and South Korea. I’m smiling as I write this.
I hope you and your precious heart are beaming {} xx
It’s 11:11 xx The therapy stuff is coming up again. I have a week to prepare to speak with my therapist. It really has thrown me and making me question many things. I’ll hopefully be able to explain next time.
On a positive note, I really appreciate my therapist’s input a couple of months ago, regarding how I’ve been with people, and my need to help make them feel better. With seeing how dominant my trauma responses are, I wasn’t sure if they were fully trauma driven out of fear.
She helped put my mind at ease. I genuinely don’t want people to feel like I do/did. I do care. With giving them the love and care, I was also giving myself what I was needing, but couldn’t give it directly to myself. I just need to start giving that comfort to myself as well as to others.
The terror of upsetting people is there though, and I would say that is driven by my trauma. I automatically think people will be upset with me if I just say the wrong word, like my family did. The positive thing is I’m fully aware of it now, as well as so many other things.
It’s time for rest now. I hope you’ll be enjoying a restful day, especially with the heat. It was 32⁰C in this room last night, 28⁰C. I feel so nauseous, even lying down.
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself, my beautiful sweetheart {} xx I don’t know if you’re home or away, but if you’re making your arduous journey soon, get home safely, smoothly and comfortably. I know the heat won’t help. I’m so sorry {}
Take it gently and enjoy the most fabulous, sunny, chilled and fun day doing the things you love xx I’d love to know what culinary delights you’re cooking and savouring. Thoroughly enjoy every beautiful, precious and delicious moment for me too!! {} xxx
I love you, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of magical healing love, humungous hugs, kisses and wishes. Play and rest well my lovely {} xxxx
It’s 14:14 xx I just heard James Blunt’s new song, Feels Like Summer. I know he gets a lot of stick. He has a great sense of humour. I’ve seen it with his tweets, and we can see it with this video. I hope you enjoy it as well my lovely {} xx
I’m having a problem accessing and updating my contents page. I need Liron to fix it because I can’t. I know it’s very unlikely you’ll be reading these, but I just wanted to let you know. This has happened a number of times over the last year, but the new letters can always be accessed from the previous ones.
The other thing that gave me reassurance is that my therapist said that as an adult, I’m very adult. As an adult, I do have my sense of humour and playfulness. Those things are lost in my triggered states. Fear and distress completely take over, and dictates what I should be doing. Thankfully, that voice is now starting to quieten. I just need more time {} xxx
The brilliant Time is On My Side by Irma Thomas comes to mind. Please ignore the full lyrics. It’s just about the time. Having said that, if I took on board what my therapist told me, I’d be running away from you, not towards you. Liron’s helped me with this. We might be completely wrong, but it doesn’t matter.
Whatever happens, you’ll always be my precious soul friend, and you’ll always be a part of me. I was absolutely right in the letter I sent you. I just need time {} xxx
It’s 15:15 xx I just got the newsletter from Arts Council. There are awards for disabled artists. I wish I wasn’t this disabled. There’s a part of me that would love to apply to help make the Longing light installation a reality, but I wouldn’t be able to do it. I would need someone else to do it for me. That’s not possible. I can’t even shower daily. I can’t even keep in contact with my dear friends.
Shall I just write just for the sake of it? I wish I could ask you xx This is the very first time since becoming completely housebound, that I’ve actually considered something like this, even though I know it’s impossible. What am I thinking?!!
I remember telling you about speaking with the great Johnathan Miller on the telephone. I didn’t know who he really was at the time, only that he was a theatre director. I was so naive. I wish I kept the postcard he sent me, asking me to call him.
It was extremely kind of him to invite me to stay with him and his family, if I was in London. I could’ve contacted him when I moved to London a year or two later. The perpetrator intercepted. We can take so many paths with the choices we make, can’t we?
The one thing that couldn’t have altered is my health. The severe illness I now have would’ve happened regardless of the choices I made, or what I was doing. It’s impossible to avoid catching COVID-19. My health is something I had no control over. None of us do.
I’m thinking about making an application/writing a letter, but I still haven’t been able to contact the authority to start making an application for PIP, which is needed. What am I thinking?!!
I know nothing will come of it. There’ll be so many applications. The majority of the disabled artists would be able to work. I know this, but I feel I need to do it for myself. Let’s see. I first need the energy to do it.
It’s 17:52. I had a closer look at the opportunities available. There was one for a digital piece, but I can’t apply. They do need people who can deliver. There wasn’t an opportunity for developing our practice.
It doesn’t matter. The fact that I even considered it is a huge step. That creative drive is still there. It’s still fully intact. It is a part of me, whether I ever create anything or not. I feel very happy knowing this. I was never wrong about it.
Liron’s extremely happy and excited for me too. She also said yes to contacting them, before I read the details. She is very supportive, just like you and everyone else.
I hope you’re enjoying the most beautiful day my lovely, and you have a fabulous evening ahead of you. Once again, enjoy and savour everything for me as well. Make your precious heart leap for joy {} xxx
If you’re here, thoroughly enjoy a fantastic music night for me too with The Proms and totp xx The Ultimate Cover Versions looks great as well.
I love you, I love you, I love you!! Hug, hug. Kiss, kiss {} xxxx
I really needed today. I’ve been struggling so badly after what happened with my therapist. I’m still alive. Nothing’s died. I’m still me. I also see the value in my work, despite what my therapist said. I’m glad I didn’t agree with what her.
I’m so glad I could prove her harmful assumptions wrong. I’d be in a different place if I couldn’t, and that scares me. I still have a way to go. I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anyone.
It’s 18:18 xx