Struggling…
27th September 2026
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine,
How are you? I hope you’re keeping really well, and you slept restfully and blissfully {} xxx I also hope you’re keeping warm. It feels cold. I know it’s very mild for this time of the year. It’s funny how quickly we acclimatise to the hot weather, isn’t it?!
I really hope you enjoyed the glorious sunshine yesterday, and you did something special xx I was thinking of you and hoped you were out enjoying sun’s radiance and warmth. The sky was also clear for Harvest Moon to harvest uninterrupted.
Today looks like the perfect day to curl up indoors. I hope you’re relaxing and thoroughly enjoying the cricket this morning xx
I never knew Bryan Ferry studied fine art, and then taught art and pottery, before focussing on his music.
I never knew House of Fraser in Brum shut its doors a few months ago. It does feel like the end of an era. No more meeting at the back of Rackham’s. At least pigeon park is still there. I remember having a conversation about them, and the iconic ramp, with you xx Lovely…
Do you know that Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith’s band before Tears for Fears was called Graduate? Here’s Ever Met a Day and Elvis Should Play Ska. They sound great. I hope you enjoy them my beautiful sweetheart {} xxx
I’m struggling badly. I’ve started my monthlies as well, so the coagulants are making my symptoms much worse. To top it, I pulled a muscle in my lower back this morning. It was just picking up a few things from the floor. I’m in so much pain.
Liron read my thoughts and brought me up a hot water bottle, just as I was about to ask her for one. She is a beautiful angel. She sadly will need to bring me my food today. I can’t do it. I hope it eases by tomorrow.
Going back to my monthlies, I think it was all the stress of this year, which stopped them for six months. My therapist was a huge part of this. I don’t think it was a coincidence that I started as soon as I ended it with her. Wow!! We never how something affects us until it’s over, do we?
A dear friend asked if my therapist apologised. I don’t think she did. This surprised me. She didn’t take any accountability for how she was with me. Funnily, a while ago, she told me how someone I knew didn’t take any accountability for something that happened. The irony!!
People say sorry so easily when they bump into someone, or when someone bumps into them. Yet there’s silence when someone causes serious harm with their actions, whether it’s intentional or not. It shocks me because I know how I’d be. I’d apologise profusely.
I’ve also experienced the opposite where they lay all the blame onto me.
Sorry does seem to be the hardest word for many, doesn’t it? My therapist was not really who I thought she was. I got her completely wrong, but I feel my experience with her was the right thing for me. I needed to learn, and I needed to put an end to it. It was the equivalent of me standing up to my dad, and saying no.
I don’t need him. I thought I did. I was desperate for his love and acceptance, but he was unable to give it. I can take care of myself; in the same way I’ve been taking care of myself over the last twenty-one months, with my therapist’s absence.
Liron reminded me that I’ve always taken care of myself, and that I was never a “damsel in distress”. I was surviving. I wasn’t always graceful, but I managed the best way I possibly could. I’m resourceful, and I’ve managed to survive without my dad for most of my life. I don’t need him. I just need to give myself the love and care my mum gave me. The love and care I give to others.
I never knew Kafka wrote a forty-seven page letter to his father. I started reading the article, “How to Handle a Narcissistic and Abusive Parent: Kafka’s Remarkable Letter to Father” by Maria Popova. I decided to stop reading it after a while and ordered the book, so that I can read it in its entirety instead.
I’m keeping everything crossed I can read it. I have so many books I want and need to read. I’m just not well enough. I wish my brain was working better.
It’s 11:22 xx Liron’s just made me a cuppa. I hope you’re thoroughly enjoying your special cuppa with coffee as well xx Please say hello to them for me and give them my love. Tell them that I miss them {} xxx
The weather’s awful now with the rain. I really hope you don’t need to pop out today. If you do, it’s very quick {}
I thought I could continue writing, but my crash is really bad, and I’m in a lot of pain. I don’t know how I’m going to get everything done. I really hope I can get the things for you finished within three weeks. I really hope so.
Just quickly, George Monbiot wrote a brilliant article about ME/CFS. There’s no excuse for us to be treated so badly, because the evidence is out there in abundance. I’ve been incredibly lucky with this and shielded from the dismissal.
George was also on the radio and said how it’s one of the worst illnesses. What makes it worse is that we’re both “victims of it and victimised for it”. He’s absolutely right. We need more people like him to speak out.
I know the victim being victimised also sadly happens with many other things, such as mental health issues.
I just finished watching an episode of Smallville. Lois doesn’t know Clark’s identity, but she’s been having calls with Superman. For her own safety Superman/Clark tells her that they can no longer have contact.
When Lois tells Clark how she feels about this, and how their contact had given her a sense of purpose, Clark asks if he’d be enough for her. Chris Lind’s A Story of Us played during this very emotional scene. I remember getting the single after I heard it sixteen years ago. I hope you like it {} xxx
I always felt like I was never enough. That feeling is still there, but it’s quieting.
Please take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my precious sweetheart {} I hope your cooks not too big today, and you don’t finish too late. Take it gently {} xxx
I love you so much, and I’m sending you tons and tons of magical healing love, humungous bear hugs and kisses. They’re always with you along with you {} xxxx It’s 15:15 xx
I hope you’re continuing to be in good health my lovely. I hope you all are {} xx