Sun Wants Us to Let Their Shine In…
19th August 2026
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
It’s 09:09 xx Sun’s shining gloriously. They just needed a good rest. They must’ve heard The 5th Dimension’s Let the Sunshine In and thought they’d give us a helping hand. How wonderful!!
How are you my lovely? I hope you’re feeling wonderful as well, and you slept soundly and restfully. What are your plans for today? I’m keeping everything crossed you’ll be out playing with sunshine. Thoroughly enjoy it for me too {} xxx
I imagine you’ve been working your special magic in your beautiful garden as well.
Did you watch Basil Brush? I loved it. Boom Boom! I didn’t realise Derek Fowlds was with Basil. This is a lovely clip of him talking with great warmth about his time with Basil. This is a great clip of Mr Derek trying to hypnotise Basil. I hope you enjoy them my lovely xx
For me, Derek will always be Bernard in Yes Minister/Prime Minister. He was brilliant. They all were, weren’t they?
I’m struggling so badly. I just need to prepare some notes for my therapist. I won’t know if I’m seeing her for sure until tomorrow. I will be glad when it’s all over.
I know some people go from one relationship to the next. I’ve never done this, but I think I’ve done this with my therapists. After all, I was seeing my perpetrator in a therapeutic capacity to begin with.
I desperately needed their help to fix me. I needed their help to be normal. I just wanted to be normal, but what is normal? Normal doesn’t really exist, only convention, which can be harmful as well.
I always thought I could fix myself, so that I’m free from my triggers and my past, but I think I might be completely wrong with this. It’s acceptance. Accepting what happened, feeling and accepting all my emotions, and accepting myself with all my flaws. Accepting the fact that I’m not what the majority of people consider to be normal. Is this really a problem?
I always thought I was the problem, which was instilled in me by my dad and my family. My current therapist unequivocally told me who I was and what I was doing, based on her false assumptions. We do know our own truths. We may not always be right, but that’s for us to learn and realise.
I do need to start trusting myself and not dismiss how I truly feel. I mustn’t ignore and dismiss the warning signs or my needs. I have needed therapists, and most of them have helped me tremendously, especially my inner child therapist and my psychodynamic therapist. My current therapist has helped as well, but it’s been in brief spurts. She couldn’t give me the therapeutic help I needed over the last eighteen months.
My current therapist has shaken me, and I feel I need to be on my own for a while. I want to see if I can help myself through books and other media. I’ve done it in the past, and I’ve done over the last eighteen months. This illness makes it harder because I still struggle to read books, but I can hopefully get through them with the help of audio books.
There are three books I feel will help. One I mentioned in an earlier letter, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. The other two are Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love that Heals Fear and Shame by Tara Brach and Hell Yeah Self-Care!: A Trauma Informed Workbook by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker.
These books may not have all the answers, and I may agree or disagree with some of the things, but that’s okay. I feel I need to find things that work for me. Things that make sense to me. I need to find my own way for a bit. If I struggle badly, then it’s time to go back to a therapist. But by that time, I should know exactly what I need their help with.
My current therapist made me realise that they’re not always right. They don’t have all the answers. I always thought they were and they did, which is why I never questioned them. This is why I never questioned my perpetrator and believed everything he said.
With each therapist, I thought they were the only ones who could help me, that one person, but I was wrong. They do help, but they have their own methods, views and biases as well. They’re human. They also don’t fully know me, but then I don’t fully know myself either, but I need to. I need to in order to create a more secure foundation, one that doesn’t topple over so easily.
I also need to learn to self-regulate, so that the triggers don’t affect me as severely. I am doing this already with Liron’s help. This will help me create new neurological pathways, so that my automatic trauma responses can hopefully take a back seat, rather than be in the driving seat. My current therapist couldn’t/wouldn’t help me with this.
From what she said, she was putting all the blame onto me wanting to cling onto my trauma, without addressing my automatic thoughts, responses and behaviours. This is the same as my perpetrator telling me that once I recovered the memories of my trauma, and I felt comfortable having sex, that all my problems would magically disappear. Our minds don’t work like this, especially traumatised ones. Trauma does cause significant changes to our brains and how they respond.
My therapist gave me a huge wake-up call by her harmful actions, during our last session, for which I’m now thankful for.
It’s 11:16. I imagine you’ve loved your delicious and energising get together with coffee xx I’m going to make myself a cuppa tea and join you.
I need to make hair happy as well. I sadly do need to make my own shampoo. The new formula is drying and irritating. I need to start soon.
We’re slowly getting there with the face cleanser, but it’ll still take time. Liron is now making two tests a week, which really helps speed up the process of fine tuning the ingredients and formula.
It’s 11:22 xx Sun’s having a bit of a rest behind the clouds, but it’s still trying to shine through.
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my precious angel, and enjoy the most beautiful, relaxing and restful day with sunshine. Thoroughly enjoy creating lots of wonderful magic for me as well. I love you {} xxx
I’m sending you tons and tons of love, with the biggest and tightest of magical healing and protective bear hugs, and sweet kisses {} xxxx
Yes, I could never have written these letters to you, if my safety and trust with you had completely gone. It’s fully intact along with all my love. It always will be regardless of what happens. You are my precious soul friend {} xxx