The Bunnymen are Back!…
16th July 2025
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine,
Echo and the Bunnymen’s new song Brussels is Haunted just popped up. It was an unexpected surprised, and very exciting. It’s so wonderful to have them back!! I had to send it to you. I hope you love it as well my beautiful sweetheart {} xxx It’s very catchy. It’s already playing in my head.
It’s 11:33. How are you? I really do hope you’re okay my lovely, and you’re managing to keep somewhat cool (although you’re always cool ;)). I hope everything is going extremely well {} xxx
I imagine you’ve not long enjoyed saying a happy morning to coffee, whether at work or at home. I always hope it’s at home xx
I know we don’t watch it, but I imagine there’s a lot of unhappy people with England’s loss last night. I hope they’re okay {} From what I read, it wasn’t a fair match, was it? And quite political with the Argentinian team holding the “The Falklands are Argentinian” banner.
The photos of Lionel Messi holding and bathing baby Lamine Yamal, seventeen years ago, is quite extraordinary, isn’t it?! Especially since they’ll be playing against each other on Sunday. It feels like they’ve come full circle. The meeting at the beginning and then playing together in Messi’s final World Cup. It feels quite poetic.
We never know what life has in store, do we? There’s still lots of magic all around us.
I’m struggling badly, but it’s self-inflicted. I’m still running away from myself. It’s automatic. I still can’t write about my last week’s therapy session, because I’m still processing and trying to run away from it.
What am I so scared of?!! Much of it is unconscious.
The problem is, the harder I run mentally, the more overwhelming everything else becomes. It hits me when I try to sleep. All the messages I haven’t written. All the guilt and shame. The Drill Sergeant/protective voice comes out in full force, telling me what I should be doing, not even considering how ill I am. It keeps me functioning, even though it’s in an unhealthy way. It’s completely draining as well, so it’s like a relentless loop.
I’ve started formatting the letters for you {} xxx I go into a hyperfocus state with them, and I can’t stop, which is also harmful with this illness. This is me running away from myself. It’s like everything becomes an emergency. I have to do it. I can’t stop.
Writing the long overdue messages feel like an emergency as well, but I’m too ill. I don’t have the energy, but I think like a healthy person in these moments, which again is harmful for me.
My symptoms have worsened since Saturday. Inflammation increases. I start coughing and my throat becomes extremely sore. It feels like there are things stuck in it. It’s very painful.
My system also goes into overdrive, along with my brain. My brain starts feeling numb and struggles to think. It struggles to cope. The brain really does use up so much energy. I feel much better and my PEM symptoms are slight when I don’t use it. I can move around a bit more as well.
My therapist needed to cancel our session today. I think it’s a blessing because I really do need to stop and rest properly, otherwise I’m going to worsen severely.
When the Drill Sergeant takes over, everything goes out of the window. The Drill Sergeant/protective voice doesn’t know what rest is, and it doesn’t care. They just want to keep pushing me, so that I don’t need to think or feel. I do need my therapist’s help with this.
It’s 17:44. I really do hope you’re happily home my lovely, or will be any minute now. I hope you’ve had a wonderful day, and I’m keeping everything crossed you’re not too exhausted. Just one more day {} xx
I’ve just finished watching Labyrinth. Have you seen it? I saw it as a child and always thought it was a fantasy film about the girl rescuing her brother. I saw it completely differently today.
This time, I saw the labyrinth as being our mind, specifically our unconscious mind. For me, David Bowie was the Drill Sergeant, the baby the inner child.
When I saw Bowie holding onto the child, for me, he wasn’t allowing the girl to grow up. He was keeping her captive and stuck in the past. He wanted her to forget about the inner child.
For me it’s being stuck in my trauma, The Eternal Bog of Stench. It’s also the behaviours and beliefs I’ve learnt as a result of the trauma. They’re also keeping me stuck there. The Drill Sergeant and I are keeping my inner child stuck there.
There’s so much symbolism in the film, along with the internal battles we experience throughout our lives.
I was looking for a bit of escapism, but the film brought me back to what my last therapy session was touching upon. I can’t really escape or run away from it. Synchronicity works its unexpected magic, doesn’t it?
Here’s David Bowie’s Underground from the movie. I hope you enjoy it my precious angel {} xx I think I’m mainly living in the underground, especially during my triggered states. Not a nice place to be, but it helped keep me safe when I needed it…
Take the greatest and gentlest care of yourself my lovely {} xx I hope it’s not long now until you can fully switch off and rest.
Enjoy the most beautiful, sunniest, delicious and relaxing evening, and make your precious heart sing for me too {} xxx
I love you so much and I’m hugging you with all my heart. Hug hug. Kiss kiss {} xxxx
I’m starting to cough, so it’s complete switch off and rest now. Shower can wait until tomorrow. Play and rest well my lovely {} xx