Little by Little…
1st March 2026
Good afternoon my most beautiful and precious starshine,
It’s 13:13 and the sun’s shining brightly again. It’s coming in waves like so many things, but it’s wonderful feeling its comforting warmth and glow from my bed. I am in the best room.
In the same way I always think of you when I see the moon, I always think of you when the sun comes out to play as well {} xxx
How are you? I really hope you’re okay my lovely, you slept restfully and blissfully, and you enjoyed a very lazy morning. If you go out for a walk, thoroughly enjoy all the magic for me as well {} xxx
I’m struggling. I’m going to add another supplement to see if it helps support my system further. I keep getting a little bit of phlegm, especially when I’m crashed. N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC) supplements should help with the inflammation. I know it’s supposed to help during the acute stage of a COVID-19 infection, but more trials need to be done with larger numbers.
NAC might also help my brain. It is being trialled for long COVID, but at much higher doses. I’ll take the lowest dose of 300mg a day.
My brain has improved since the L-arginine, but it’s still struggling. It hasn’t returned to how it was last year. I am reluctant to take things in case they cause any long term damage. I just can’t afford to lose any more functionality. I was scared in December, especially with my brain.
I got a call from the hospital to make another appointment for the cortisol test. She was lovely and apologised. It was a communication error. I was at the right hospital, but the person who was supposed to do it retired. They’re struggling badly with staff shortage. They sadly are under a lot of pressure. They don’t have a nurse to do that test for a couple of months. My appointment’s in May at Heartlands.
Therapy stuff is still sapping everything. I do feel a bit lost again today. I never knew that it’s natural to feel a part of us has died, when we lose someone. I feel it with you and I felt it with my mum. The big difference is that I had to repress everything with my mum.
As I’ve said before, as a child, any moment I started to feel sad or upset, I’d tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew it wasn’t safe for me to feel this. It would make me even more vulnerable at home. I knew they’d use it against me. This was the only way I could keep myself safe.
I never realised I was just prolonging those feelings by burying them. Feeling grief and sadness is completely normal and natural, and it needs to be felt and released. I see this clearly now. I’ve always seen it and felt it for others, but not for myself.
My protective voice has been very harsh with me, but I am starting to quieten it consciously. It needs to know that the danger has gone. We’re safe now. We can’t go on as we’ve done. It’s easier said than done, but I’m aware of it now and I’m trying to change those thought patterns. I’m trying to make myself feel safe with comfort and kindness, which is difficult sometimes. Little by little. Brand New Start by Paul Weller comes to mind.
I thought I might be well enough to contact you directly this year, but I sadly think it’s going to take longer. I didn’t know how much was buried. I feel more hopeful for next year. I don’t need to be fully recovered, but those open wounds need to heal so that’s they’re no longer raw.
I know there’s a good chance you will not want to continue our friendship, but it’ll be safer for both of us if you would like to. I’ll be in a much better place {} xxx
Did you see any of the Brits? I know you normally don’t. I didn’t, but I saw a few clips this morning. I do love Harry Styles’ Aperture with the choir.
I can finally tell you! Liron just signed the form to be a paper candidate for the Greens, at the local elections in May. She’s standing for the Sutton Town Council and for the Birmingham City Council. The lady’s here. Liron just brought up the documents for me to co-sign. They’ll be taken to the council tomorrow.
I desperately wanted to tell you a few weeks ago, but Liron asked me to wait until it’s confirmed. It is exciting! I feel so happy for her, and proud of her too. I thought you’d love the news as well xx She doesn’t really have a chance with Rob Pocock being so strong here, but this is about the Greens having some presence here.
It’s 16:00. I imagine you might be in your kitchen, creating and grooving with some fabulous music. I really hope you don’t finish too late my lovely {}
Once everything is done and your sweet tum is very happy, rest well and enjoy the most beautifully chilled evening for me too, with lots of love and care {} xxx
I’m sending you an infinite amount of love, with the biggest and tightest of magical healing and protective bear hugs, and kisses. Take it gently my precious starshine. I love you {} xxxx It’s 17:17.