Miscommunication…
11th December 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
The Who’s I Can’t Explain just popped up on my feed, and I thought of you. It’s the first time I’ve heard it. It’s a cool song. I hope you enjoy revisiting it later my lovely {} xxx
How are you? How has your day been? I really do hope you’re okay and everything’s gone well today {} xx I hope you’ll be making your great escape, and you’ll be home very soon. I’m keeping everything crossed there’s no late night. It’s 17:17.
The weeks just vanish don’t they?!! I wish it would slow down.
Thanks to Victoria Derbyshire on News Night, I learnt that the ECHR have only ruled against deporting 13 people from this country in the last 45 years. There were none in the last five years. That’s shocking. This just reinforces the fact that this has never been about immigration. They want to take our rights away.
I can’t see the press putting that statistic on their front pages. It’s terrifying what we’re walking into at the moment. I imagine you’ve already heard that Meta are closing global accounts linked to abortion advice and LGBTQ+ content. With Reform lining up to target abortion here, it’s frightening.
It’s been an extremely difficult day, both physically and emotionally. Liron’s brother’s wedding’s on Saturday. The three of them are enjoying a beautiful and relaxing day together, which is wonderful. I had a brief chat with them on WhatsApp. They sent me a video of their rings being made, which was amazing to see. They were designed for them. The rings look absolutely stunning. I know you’d love the designs as well.
I feel so much joy for them, but I also feel the immense pain of missing such a huge part of their lives. I wish I was with them. I really felt it today. This illness has taken so much away from me, apart from the mutual love and care. It’s there in abundance. I’m so lucky, thankful and grateful for that. I really am.
Therapy was hard as well, but I’m gaining so much clarity. I am untangling you from my past. I really am. You don’t belong there. You never did my lovely {} xxx
Our brief conversation this year keeps coming to mind. It’s only yesterday that I realised you might have misinterpreted what I said, after your initial contact in February. It’s when I asked if we could please take it slowly. They were a poor choice of words. I see that now. I didn’t then, but I was such a mess.
The reason why I said what I did was because I was in so much emotional pain. I was consumed by the grief. I’d fallen apart. With the trigger on top, I couldn’t be who I was with you at that point in time, not without reassurance and coming out of the trigger. Not without being able to speak as we always did, and eliminate those misunderstandings. We needed to make it safe for both of us {} xxx
I needed time, which is why I said what I did. I really wanted to hear from you. I desperately wanted to speak with you and put things right. I wanted my dearest and most precious friend back in my life, but I hadn’t anticipated all the pain still being there, and then being re-triggered by your contact.
Thankfully most of that has gone now, and I know the rest will go once I work through everything. That’s when I can contact you safely. That’s when it’ll be safe for both of us. In the meantime, I really do wish you’re reading these letters, so that they can help clear the many misunderstandings and confusion. I hope so, regardless of whether or not you would like to continue our friendship {} xxx
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place” – George Bernard Shaw.
I came across George Bernard Shaw’s quote at the beginning of the year. He’s absolutely right. So much gets lost in translation, that’s why clear communication is so important, but this isn’t foolproof either.
I’ve always sought clarity from you in the past. I don’t know what happened this year. I’m so, so sorry, I really am {} I just wasn’t able to. I know without it, it creates misunderstandings that can lead to tensions, minefields, resentment and problems. That’s the last thing I want, especially with you. This is why I was always completely open and honest with you, so that these things couldn’t happen.
With your silence in February, I took what you said in March as you not wanting to continue our friendship. I might have misunderstood, especially with what you said afterwards. I honestly don’t know. I was too scared to ask. I was terrified of being rejected again.
It’s taken me this long to see everything clearly. Yes, triggers do get in the way. They’re complete bastards. They have the ability to destroy something that’s precious and dear in an instant. I do need to clear up my mess before I can say hello to you. I am getting there, little by little. Please bear with me {} xxx
Speaking of rejection, I just remembered. At the end of the session, I told my therapist how I’ve been rejecting myself in the same way my dad and family did. We’ll continue this conversation next week.
It’s 20:08. You’ll be happily home now. Wonderful!! I hope everything is prepared and you can settle in for the evening. What are you having for dinner? I hope it’s something comforting, which will give you a big hug at the same time. Your special stews comes to mind {} xxx
I imagine you might be shattered. Just one more day, and then one more week. As always, I’m counting down the days for you {} xx
Completely switch off and enjoy the most beautifully chilled evening. Rest well my precious sweetheart, then sleep soundly with the sweetest of dreams for both of us {} xxx It’s 20:20.
I’m sending you all my love, with the biggest and tightest of magical healing and protective bear hugs and kisses. They’ll help keep you warm {} xxxx
I really do hope you’re keeping safe and well my lovely. I hope you all are {} xxx