My Dad and My Mum…
8th August 2025
With the realisation that it’s likely my dad’s traumatised, I’m starting to see the relationship between him and my mum a bit differently as well.
My mum would’ve been the first person to show him any genuine love and care. Whether he recognised it or not, this would’ve had a huge and positive impact on him. He took out all his rage and insecurities on her, but she still loved him. She gave him warmth and kindness, when all he’d ever experienced was coldness, criticism and hostility. It must have broken him when she left him and filed for divorce.
I remember them having normal conversations, which is something he didn’t have with the rest of the family. She treated him like a human being.
I finally understand why he was so devastated when she died. He grieved for a very long time. It came across as him feeling sorry for himself, but he was still a child. Seeing my dad in that state made me feel responsible for him. I can now see that it’s likely he was suffering from depression as well. Despite everything he did to her, I think he did love my mum in his own way. It felt like a needy way, but this would be normal given his upbringing.
It really was the first time he was ever loved by anyone. It explains why he was searching for her, and why my step mother looks very much like my mum. It makes sense now.