No Man’s Land…
1st January 2025
For the first time in my life, it doesn’t feel like a new year. It feels like a continuation. I don’t know why, but the pain is feeling very raw again. It felt unbearable this morning, and it’s starting again as I’m writing this.
Twilight, by Florence and the Machine, popped up this morning and brought me to tears. I’ve been left in the dark. I’m living in twilight with my starshine in my heart.
I feel like I’m in no man’s land. Every time I get a WhatsApp message, there’s still a part of me that’s desperately hoping it’s you. But then I know I’m not in the right place to hear from you at the moment. There’s just too much pain. I’d fall apart.
I know I can’t go back, so I’m stuck here in no man’s land. I know I can’t avoid this grief. I can’t run away from it, as I much as I want to. I know I need to go through whatever it is I need to, to see the light again.
Sailing by Christopher Cross also popped up this morning, and I thought of you my adorable sweetheart {} xxx
I wish we could go sailing again with some bottles of red. It was wonderful, and a lot of fun, to discover an idyllic place where we could sail away to in our imagination. I was so happy when you said yes and asked me to get the boat ready.
We went to some fabulous places for lunch in Italy and France. There was a gorgeous visit to Cascai and Spain as well. A table was always waiting for us…
We never spoke about our adventures because our memories got wiped. Our boat was very special because it was a time machine. I was able to pick you up from work for lunch, drop you back and no one noticed. I also picked you up on a number of evenings.
I was over the moon you enjoyed sailing away with me for that brief moment. Sail Away by David Gray comes to mind. I remember sending you this brilliant version. My heart has always been in your hands {} xxxx
I can no longer get our boat and its sails ready. It’s going to be sitting there for quite some time. Sense of adventure and excitement has gone. The magic’s gone…