Responsibility…
23rd November 2025
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine {} xxx
How are you? I hope you’re keeping really well my lovely and you’re enjoying a wonderful weekend. I hope you’ve slept well, and you’re enjoying a very lazy start. It’s so lovely waking up to sunshine after yesterday. Their brightness is much needed.
How will your day be? I hope you’ll be enjoying the rugby {} xx I didn’t join you with the commentaries yesterday, but I’m so sorry they didn’t win. I hope despite the score, it was a great game and you loved every exciting minute.
Today’s also perfect for a gorgeous walk. Everything will be shimmering. If you do go out for a walk, thoroughly enjoy all the magic for me too my beautiful sweetheart {} xxx
It’s 11:22. I just heard KC and the Sunshine Band’s (Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty. It is sunshine. It’s made me smile and got me grooving. I hope it gets you grooving as well {} xx
I made another important realisation yesterday, and something I was watching helped confirm my thoughts. There are so many coincidences at the moment, and I’m unknowingly drawn to watching things that end up giving me a better insight. Yesterday was no exception.
With relationships that were toxic, I could never understand why I was seen as a bad person, for raising legitimate concerns about their negative behaviours towards me. These weren’t misunderstandings and they were harming me. The thing is, I’ve always been kind and supportive, and I was always there for them, yet I was the bad person for bringing it up.
I remember being in a bookshop with one, and I came across a funny image depicting a doormat. I showed it to them. I didn’t know how apt that actually was. The doormat was me.
I guess when you’re nice all the time, it would come as a shock when you speak up. I always hoped that it could be worked through, but they end it immediately without wanting to talk about it. They end it by putting all the blame on me for pointing it out. I was the bad person.
This has always bugged me. It didn’t make sense. I hadn’t done anything wrong. It would’ve damaged our relationship if I hadn’t spoken up, because I’d stay away from them.
This is why I always needed to raise my concerns with you, and you always helped clear up my misunderstandings very quickly. Our relationship was much better for it. Thank you so, so much my lovely {} xxx This is a healthy way of being.
Sadly, they weren’t misunderstandings with the others. The worst is when I’m gaslighted, and that’s happened a lot.
It was yesterday morning that I finally realised that my dad, and the others, who put all the blame on me, did it because they couldn’t look at themselves and the role that they played. It was easier for them to blame someone else, than look at their own actions.
They didn’t want to take any responsibility for their behaviour, so they shoved that responsibility onto me by blaming me. They made me feel fully responsible. Perhaps this is the only way that they can live themselves. It helped to absolve themselves.
Looking at ourselves is never easy, it’s extremely difficult and uncomfortable, and it brings up so many other things, including a lot of pain. Looking at ourselves means we need to be completely honest with ourselves. This is an important part of healing, because it helps us see things objectively. We see how we really are and how others really are. We can see the dynamics in our relationships, and understand how they came to be.
Being in therapy has helped me do this, and now I’m finally starting to look at my dad and the others, so that I can see the patterns of behaviour on both sides.
My father and his side of the family started it. They helped shape my thoughts and behaviour, and the negative cycles continued after I left home. Many of my behaviours stem from trying to keep myself safe and out of danger. I needed to be a good girl and not upset anyone. My needs and feelings weren’t important, but everyone else’s were.
With being blamed for everything, I’ve been automatically blaming myself for everything, and taking full responsibility, even when it’s a shared one. This comes back to managing people’s emotions.
I see being kind, caring and supportive as a positive thing. I’m not going to stop this, but it became harmful for me in some relationships, because they felt they could say or do what they wanted to me, without any consequences.
It didn’t help that I always put others first, and didn’t consider my needs and feelings at all. I thought I was okay managing my own, but I wasn’t. I was in turmoil.
I felt bad when I saw the warning signs. I dismissed them and thought I was a bad person for having those thoughts. I now realise warning signs are there to help keep us safe (triggered states are excluded from this). The same goes with anger. Anger tells us when something’s not right.
Thankfully not all my close relationships were negative, and I wasn’t treated as a doormat in those. There was mutual respect, love and care, as there is in all my relationships today, bar the one which now has a firm boundary.
It is a glorious day. Thoroughly enjoy its warmth and brightness my lovely, and love every thrilling moment of the rugby for me too {} xx
Take everything at a gentle pace, and enjoy the most beautiful day with your precious heart filled with love, sunshine, excitement and delicious magic {} xxx
I love you and I’m hugging you extremely tightly through my phone. I really do hope you’re okay my precious angel, and you are keeping well. Please take the greatest care of yourself {} xxxx It’s 13:13.
It’s 13:39. The Young Rascals’ Groovin’, on The Ed Sullivan Show, just popped up. Perfect timing!! Yes, let’s enjoy groovin’ with them {} xxx