Saturn Out of Focus…
1st September 2025
Good morning my most beautiful and precious starshine,
How are you? I really hope you’re okay my lovely, and you slept well and very restfully {} xxx It’s 08.48. You must be on your way in. I’m keeping everything crossed the traffic’s not too bad. It is gloomy today.
I imagine everyone will be excited this week. I hope you really enjoy it and everything goes extremely well. I also hope it’ll be at a nice pace. Coffee’s waiting to give you the biggest warm hugs and energising kisses from me too. They’re looking forward to hearing about your weekend. I’d love to hear about it as well {} xx
I didn’t realise I’ve been running on adrenaline. It was at a lower level. It’s finally hitting me now. I feel very ill today. I’m so thankful and grateful for the improvements since the iron infusions, but I’m still a million miles away.
I’m due to get my hair cut on Wednesday. I really hope I can make it. Therapy is on Thursday, so it’s going to be a difficult week. I started getting flashbacks of being in the living room again. I quickly pushed it away. It feels like a portal. I’m terrified of going through it. I wasn’t like this with therapy in the past, but then I wasn’t as connected to the pain and the terror as I am now. I also had a lot more energy. Walking helped tremendously. I wish I still could…
I know I keep saying this and never manage it, but I really do need to be quiet for a while. I’m at my limit, my brain is really struggling and I feel I can’t cope. There’s a lot of appointments this month. Two in person and two at home.
I need to say the same to telescope as well. I just don’t have the energy. I was naughty again last night.
It’s 09.12 and the sun’s just said a quick big bright hello. It’s beautiful. I hope it brightened your precious heart as well {} xx
Back to last night, I really wanted to see Saturn through the telescope. I found it easily and took some photos. I learnt that I was wrong about seeing Saturn’s rings. They’re no longer visible because of the tilt. I imagine you know this.
I got excited when I took the photos slightly out of focus. It’s definitely Saturn although it looks more like Jupiter. For a moment I thought it was its surface but I don’t think it is. My telescope is too small for that, and this was without the Barlow lens. I also think the lines look too vertical.
To get a more accurate view, I need to take the photo outside and away from lights. This is impossible for quite a long time. Taking the photo through the window wouldn’t help either, it would interfere. It’s okay. I still feel happy and excited about it. So close yet so far. Almost…
That feels like the story of my life. It’s always almost and then it goes. It’s like with my work, I was almost getting there but this illness put a stop to it. I’m just so relieved the creativity is still there. It hasn’t been lost.
Taking the focused and blurry pictures of Saturn made me think. It’s so easy to be focused on the one thing. It’s only when we step back, can we see the bigger picture. It might not be as sharp as when we focus on the one thing, but we gain a lot more clarity and understanding. Perhaps being out of focus helps to bring everything else into focus.
I’m going to stop rambling now. It’s 09.39. I just got a message from a dear friend. They must have forgotten that our friendship has come to an end. Perhaps it is temporary. I really hope so. It’s still painful and the tears have started…
Sun’s really working hard this morning. It’s glowing right now. It feels extremely comforting. Perhaps it is temporary. I’m not going to correct them just yet. I’ll wait {} xxx
Take the greatest care of yourself my precious angel and have a wonderful day. I’ll say week as well in case I can’t write {} xx
Always take it gently and restfully when you get home, and give yourself lots of love and care, along with lots of delicious goodies for me too {} xxx
I am thinking of you and sending you tons and tons of love, with the biggest and tightest of magical healing and protective bear hugs, covered in sunshine kisses. Take care my lovely {} xxxx
I was resting silently with my eyes closed and had the urge to say I love you. I picked up my phone and it’s 12.12. I love you and I’m hugging you through my phone {} xxx
15.24
I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I haven’t done that for a while. I’ve finally crashed properly. I’ve just woken up and John Oates with A Ways Away was waiting for me. It’s a lovely song. I hope you enjoy it later my lovely {} xx I hope there will be a way…