The Final Snip of the Cord…
20th October 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
How are you my lovely? I really do hope you’re okay and you managed to get a restful night’s sleep {} xxx I’m keeping everything crossed it’s not too full on today. I hope everything is going really well. I imagine it is {} xx
It’s 15:15 and you must be with energising coffee, or just about to be. I’m going to join you with a cuppa tea as well. Let’s enjoy their comforting hugs and kisses together my precious sweetheart {} xxx
As you know, it’s Diwali today. I hope you’ll be enjoying some delicious treats tonight. Holy trinity comes to mind {} xx
It finally hit me. The thick wall of silence means only one thing. It really is over with the remaining members of my family. It’s time to make the final snip of the cord.
It hit me hard a moment ago. I felt the physical and emotional pain, and had a good cry. I think I’ve been keeping it in since June. There must’ve been a part of me that was still hoping. Of course I was. At the same time, I kept telling myself that I’m absolutely fine about it ending, and that it’s the right thing. Who was I trying to kid?!!
The thing I wanted the most since I left home was a family. I was still desperate for their love and acceptance. I don’t want to beg any more. No one should have to beg to be loved by anyone. Knowing this ending is right for me, doesn’t stop me from feeling the pain and feeling the loss. I must feel it.
The relationship was harming me. Silence and being ignored is just as harmful. I feel this might be the first step towards healing from my past. The final cord that will need to be cut is the invisible one with my dad. There’s a lot to work through. Little by little…
I do feel completely overwhelmed by everything. It feels too much today. I’m sick and tired of being strong and positive all the time. First time I’ve ever felt this. I’ve been throwing everything over the wall for the last month, but now that the medical stress is over, it’s time for it to slowly seep out through the cracks. It’s time to start feeling again.
I feel there are some cords that can’t be severed, and they don’t need to be when they’re positive. Naturally my mum comes to mind and so do you my lovely {} xxx
I really do hope you’re reading these letters. I don’t want you to think that I have been silent with you. This is sadly the safest way I can communicate with you at the moment. It’s safe for both of us {}
Eddie Vedder’s wonderful On My Way comes to mind.
Again, I know there’s a good chance you won’t want to resume our friendship, but I understand {} xx My feelings are my feelings. I don’t expect them to be reciprocated by you. They are pure and unconditional. I can’t explain the deep connection I feel with you. It just is, and I feel it will always be there regardless of whether or not we’re in each other’s lives. I know it. I just can’t explain why.
I haven’t looked at your beautiful photos for a while. I don’t need to because they’re happily imprinted in my heart. I did look last night and I couldn’t stop crying. Pain is still there. I miss you so much, I really do {} xxx
Here is Pink Floyd playing Wish You Were Here at Earls Court on 20th October 1994. Aah, October… I so wish you were here my beautiful angel {} xx
It’s 16:41. I’m keeping everything crossed you haven’t got too long to go now, and that it doesn’t take too long to get home. Get home safely my lovely.
I really hope you can completely switch off and chill tonight. Rest, rest and rest my precious starshine. If you spend some time in your fabulous studio, have tons of fun playing your gorgeous heart out for me too {} xx
Take it very gently and enjoy the most beautiful, fun and relaxing evening, with lots of heavenly delights. I love you and I’m hugging you extra tightly {} xxx
I am counting down the days for you, but I know there’ll be lots of excitement in the air as well. Absolutely perfect!! {} xxxx I’ve just finished posting this. It’s 17:17.