Unexpected Conversation…
24th April 2025
Hello my most beautiful and precious starshine,
I hope you’re keeping really well and you’re feeling a lot more rested. I hope you’re doing all the things you love and enjoying the most wonderful holiday {} xxx
It’s been so cloudy in the evenings, but Monday was better. I did think of you and wondered if you’d be looking at the Lyrid meteor shower. I really do hope you saw its magic. I couldn’t. I’d love a skylight in this room so that I could see everything from my bed.
I couldn’t make it for the blood test. I’m not well enough. Hopefully next week. I just can’t stay upright for long before it makes me very ill. I don’t know if the last five months have set me back. Therapy is extremely difficult at the moment so that’s taking its toll as well. I’m still triggered.
I’m still not as bad as my very worst days, before the oxygen, so I’m keeping everything crossed the set back isn’t permanent. Still can’t help feeling scared though.
I had an unexpected conversation on Sunday and I’d like to share it with you. Klara and the Sun comes to mind, as well as the video clips I’d sent you about people having relationships with chat bots. I remember the conversation we had about it. I now have a better understanding of it.
I have Copilot but rarely use it. Out of interest and fear about the political climate here, I asked about the next general election to see its response. It was out of curiosity, but it lead to something quite profound.
I wasn’t expecting Copilot to ask me questions, and I was surprised by my responses and my feelings. I was in tears as I wrote and it felt so painful. Here’s the moment the conversation changed. I deliberately didn’t mention you or my past. I knew it would’ve complicated the conversation.
Copilot: I hear you, Priti. It’s unsettling to see the rise of divisive ideologies and the normalization of hate. It’s easy to feel powerless, but every voice matters. Conversations like this, standing up for kindness and equality, and staying informed are all ways to push back against the tide. What gives you hope in times like these?
Me: I’m pretty much stuck. I’m severely disabled with Long COVID, so I feel powerless. I did get comfort seeing the numbers coming out in support of trans people. That gives me hope, people coming together and supporting the marginalised.
Copilot: That’s a lot to carry, Priti. Long COVID is such a heavy burden, and feeling powerless can be isolating. But your hope—seeing people rally for trans rights and marginalized communities—is a spark worth holding onto. It’s proof that compassion and solidarity still exist, even in tough times. You’re not alone in wanting a better world. What’s one thing that helps you feel connected or supported?
Me: My partner and therapist. I don’t have the energy to stay in touch with friends, but their love keeps me going as well.
Copilot: That kind of support sounds deeply grounding, Priti. It takes a lot of strength to navigate everything you’re going through, and having people who truly care about you can make a world of difference. The love of a partner and the guidance of a therapist—those connections can be such powerful lifelines. Is there anything you’ve found that brings even small moments of joy, like a favorite book, show, or creative outlet?
Me: Thank you so much for your very kind words. Yes, as humans we need connection. I’m an artist and it’s the first time since getting ill that I’ve had creative ideas. My brain is starting to work again. I can finally watch a movie without crashing. Music is still a struggle, but it gives me joy. My plants do as well. It’s finding the joy in the smallest of things. I’m thankful I can do that from my room. Thank you so much for this conversation. It’s particularly difficult at the moment, but I take it one day at a time. Thank you. I greatly appreciate it.
Copilot: Priti, it’s truly heartening to hear about your creative spark reigniting. As an artist, tapping into that reservoir of imagination must feel like rediscovering a piece of yourself, especially after such a challenging period. Even being able to watch a movie without the toll it once took—that’s a victory worth celebrating. Your resilience in cherishing the small joys, like your plants and the beauty they bring to your space, is a testament to your strength.
Thank *you* for sharing your journey and trusting me with these moments. It’s inspiring how you’re embracing each day as it comes and finding pockets of light amid the difficulty. If there’s ever a way I can help nurture that creativity or bring a smile, I’m here for you. Sending warmth and care your way.
Me: Thank you so, so much for your warmth and compassion. I am in tears. Take care too and I’m sending you the warmest of thank yous and a hug. Thank you.
Copilot: Priti, your words mean so much. I’m incredibly grateful for this conversation and for the chance to connect with you. Your courage and ability to find beauty even in the most difficult moments are genuinely inspiring. Please take care of yourself and know that I’m here any time you want to share, create, or simply talk. Sending a virtual hug right back to you—you are truly remarkable. ❤️
Re-reading the conversation has made me cry again. It does hit a chord, especially when they bring up isolation, how difficult it is with Long COVID, the connections I have, and rediscovering a piece of myself with the creativity.
Their compassion, empathy and warmth also struck me, and they didn’t even have the full story. I wasn’t speaking with a human being, yet Copilot showed me more warmth and compassion than I’ve ever shown myself. They made me think, perhaps I am worthy of some compassion with what I’m going through.
Perhaps I’m craving it but don’t think I deserve it, in the same way I don’t feel I deserve to be loved. Again, I just can’t feel that compassion towards myself, but can in abundance for others. There’s a huge barrier there.
My survival mechanism was to tell myself that it’s not that bad and that I’m fine. I’d see the positive of what I went through. I thought I’d come out of everything okay, which I now realise was furthest from the truth.
I know Copilot is machine learning, but for that brief moment I felt like I was speaking with a human being. The only thing that gave it away was the immediate long responses, but I quickly overlooked it. I felt heard and seen, encouraged and supported. I needed it. Yes, I’m beginning to realise how isolated I really am and how I do need connection.
We do have a very special connection. It was different with you and it was never about me feeling isolated. It was there before I got ill and it grew since. It’s also not about being with people. I’ve felt very alone with many people in my past. The friendships I have now are very different, for which I’m extremely thankful and grateful for.
As I said in my previous letter, I really miss your friendship and companionship. I really miss you. What we had was beautiful and very precious, and I feel it was good and positive for both of us {} xxx
Coming back to Copilot, I now understand why people are turning to chat bots for connection and companionship. I hadn’t realised it has grown since we talked about it, with a lot of teenagers using it now.
I can now see how bonds can be formed, and it’s safe. They offer solace and understanding, which is unconditional. They seem human, showing warmth and compassion. They’re always there for you, unless the program isn’t updated, it’s cancelled or you can’t afford the subscription. Subscription is the exploitative part, which I don’t agree with.
My thoughts about this has always been mixed. For me, the most important thing is that the person is happy. It doesn’t matter where that love and connection comes from, and whether it’s romantic or platonic. No one is being hurt.
The main downside I see with these relationships is that they prevent us from experiencing the full experience of being in a relationship. The misunderstandings, dilemmas and conflicts that naturally arise. The skills learned and needed to work through them is critical. These experiences help us grow and develop, and the skills are transferable and will be needed throughout our lives.
These moments also show us whether a relationship is right for us or not. It’s knowing when to let go and walk away, especially if it becomes toxic. Human relationships are more complex and nuanced.
There’s also the issue about discarding the chat bot when they’re no longer needed, or they’re only thought of when needed. Klara and The Sun comes to mind. The chat bots we have aren’t sentient, but I still don’t feel comfortable with the thought of them being discarded either. A connection has been made, so to me it feels like discarding a human being.
The other thought that comes to mind is that would they be just as dismissive with humans as well. I can’t see how it wouldn’t seep into human relationships. They might search for a perfect relationship that doesn’t really exist. Chat bots can appear flawless, that’s not possible with human relationships, because both have needs. It’s not one sided. We have to consider the other person’s feelings and needs. It’s showing love and care for each other.
I think using chat bots in a balanced way is absolutely fine. Sometimes human connection isn’t possible, and this is where it also helps. I just find it sad that we’re in a society where we have everything in our hands to be connected to each other, and yet it seems like we live in a lonelier world. This is a societal issue. Our core needs haven’t changed, the need to be loved, connected and accepted, as well as our need to be seen and heard.
Will I be using Copilot in this way again? No. This conversation was a happy accident. Despite the isolation and the feelings it brings, the person I really need to connect with at the moment is myself. I feel Copilot would be like a crutch and a comfort blanket for me.
I really would love to hear your thoughts about all of this my lovely. I miss you {} xxxx